


Across the Universe

by The_Birds_And_Bees



Series: Yesterday and Today [1]
Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, M/M, Parallel Universes, Past major character deaths, Trauma, be prepared to hurt, let's pretend we know quantum mechanics, shitty realistic legal system
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-03-11 03:43:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3312641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Birds_And_Bees/pseuds/The_Birds_And_Bees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One phrase in particular caught him; repeated and rephrased over and over again. Relative State Formulation. Many Worlds Interpretation.</p><p>Parallel Universes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which the Scene is Set

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so; new story! I meant to have Defensive Driver's next chapter up before I worked on this further- but the themes of this story relate pretty strongly to a few things that I'm going through myself, and I really, really wanted to work on it. Oops.
> 
> This is all going to be written from Hiro's PoV, but I have to made mention to a friend of mine, Caity, who's actually been writing out a lot of these scenes with me, because we like breaking each others hearts. A lot of the gestures and actions Tadashi does come directly from her, so she's amazing. One hundred percent verified.
> 
> I'm incredibly surprised a piece like this hasn't already been done, but there you go. I haven't seen it on Ao3 yet, so maybe this isn't the dead horse I was thinking it might be! Huzzah!
> 
> Oh, and feel free to come hi to me on tumblr; you'll find a link on my Author Profile!

 

 

> **If a coin comes down heads, that means the possibility of coming down tails has collapsed. Until that moment the possibilities were equal.**
> 
> **But on another world, it does come down tails. And when that happens, the two worlds split apart.**
> 
> **-Philip Pullman: The Golden Compass.**

 

* * *

 

The slight creak of the window frame being lifted was the only sound in an otherwise dark bedroom. Shadow stretching out over the floor, Hiro almost didn't dare to breathe, the delicate operation of slowly shifting his armored form through the small opening requiring all of his attention, all of his care.

Not that Aunt Cass is a light sleeper, exactly, and it's certainly not unlike him to be up and making noise at this hour, either. Even so, he's fairly certain she wouldn't appreciate walking into his room at two in the morning, just to find her nephew halfway through his window, vigilante armor caked with mud, and a deflated nursebot slung over one shoulder. No, probably wouldn't appreciate that at all. So it's the slow process, then; one foot, the other. Careful of the helmet...steady...

A sound is all it takes for him to flinch in such a wired state, back of his helmet knocking against wood with a foreboding rattle. Now he can stop worrying about whether or not to breathe, heart pounding in his throat as he looks across the room with wide eyes--

Mochi, the little _rodent_ , is resting on his bed. Not Aunt Cass; just the stupid cat. The fat feline rumbles at him; more of a hiss than a purr, and gains a dirty look in turn.

"Next time I put rocket boots on you, it's going to be _outside_." An empty threat, but one that reminds him to relax a little; stop a blood vessel from popping in his neck, or something. Baymax would have a field day over that.

The excessive tension only dissipates once he's fully inside and upright. Exhaling noisily, he leaves Baymax in his docking station to charge as he works on getting out of his... pretty telling get up.

Tonight wasn't the easiest night. Out by eight, back by two. Way too much flying and scanning for Baymax's batteries to handle, which had left them with no choice but to leave the heavy armor back at Fred's- Heathcliff could handle polishing that up, for sure. At the very least, they'd caught the guy. And in the end, that was the point of all this. The point of...Big Hero 6.

"Seriously, Mochi...pain in the ass." A grumble; more directed to the clip on his chest plate that seems to be glued stuck with dry mud. Taking off his armor is a slightly less quick task than usual, but cleaning it will be the real challenge. Shouldn't leave it, either; have to wipe it off. Check for cracks, check for dents, check for faults--

And yet tonight, he's just not feeling any enthusiasm for it. Blowing a few strands of hair out of his eyes, Hiro surveys the room in an attempt to find something else he can do; almost anything.

Almost, because any homework done earlier than the day before it's due is homework done too early. Could sleep; his body loves that idea, he's bone tired, but his mind is wired and ready to go, quickly brushing over varies little concepts and designs, following paths of absent thoughts before darting away again, leaving him tense and fidgety.

Cleaning it is, then. Groaning, he slumps down in his desk chair, chest plate in his lap, bottle of cleaner and a few washcloths close by. Gotta be prepared, these days. If anyone looked in his desk drawers, they'd probably faint at the overwhelming amount of medical tools and bandages within. Insane?

Prepared. One hundred percent.

"How're you feeling, Baymax?" He can hear him slowly beginning to inflate once more; that took way too long, one of his batteries has to be on its way out. Looking him over, he can't see anything too apparent to indicate an issue; but he is a walking, talking marshmallow. He's not going to see anything unless he takes the time to open him up.

"As much as the expression would indicate, I am feeling; normal. My batteries will soon be fully charged." Definitely on their way out. Hiro gives the robot a small grin; always happy to hear it, before beginning the arduous task of cleaning all the gunk off his suit with some good old elbow grease. He'll have to vacuum in here, too.

"That's good. Maybe tomorrow we'll have a look at those batteries; check over a few other things. Tonight was pretty big."

"It was a pretty big night." Baymax agrees. He's gotten so much better with those "expressions", as they've come to put practically anything the robot doesn't understand in the first instance. "At this current hour, you will only be capable of attaining five hours sleep maximum before school. Might I suggest changing into more comfortable clothes and readying yourself for rest?"

"You can always suggest; doesn't mean I'm gonna listen." A grunt- that damn clip isn't only jammed with mud; it's buckled. Easy fix, but not one he'll be getting to until the rest of it is clean. Should've gone for brown paint instead of purple. "I'm not going to school tomorrow, so it's fine. I'll make sure to get six hours; happy?"

"I am a robot; I cannot be happy." An immediate reminder. Sometimes he wonders if he says it just out of habit, rather than because he actually _can't_. Baymax wasn't the most typical AI out there. "Shall I send a message to your professors and friends to advise them of this?"

"Send it about seven. And add to Honey's that I'll message her tomorrow if anything new comes up; otherwise, we should be okay to relax for a few days." Relax. Catch up on schoolwork. At this point, it was the same thing.

When he was fourteen, he never would have imagined being a hero was so much work. Too caught up in all the cool gadgets he could make everyone, all the designs and research he had to do. Even with the catch up work he'd had to do for the institute, it hadn't felt hard.

At sixteen, he knew a little better. No matter the smarts, he had a limit. They all had a limit. And sometimes being the leader meant drawing the line at what situations they purposefully involved themselves into; as much as he'd love to help every little old lady whose purse has just been snatched, he needed to eat. Sleep. Study. So did his team.

Living a double life was hard. Living a double life on top of your double life was harder.

Sighing, he puts the chest plate on his desk, sifting through the clutter on his desk for a small screwdriver; maybe some pliers, if he'd remembered to bring them up from the garage. Mochi haughtily strolls across the length of his bed, tail high in a gesture of rejection, and Hiro finds his gaze straying to him. Straying further.

The paper screen blocks one corner of the room from sight, but the window behind it casts shadows with the moonlight. Even now, he can make out a few shadows; a few, indistinct shapes...

But it's been almost two years since anything's actually moved, behind there. Almost a year since his mind's stopped playing tricks on him when he's half asleep, and whilst it certainly doesn't cause the crying jags and weeklong moods it used to, the reminder is still enough to twist his heart, a little.

No matter how much distance grew between then and now, loss didn't get smaller. You don't forget.

Honey used to tell him that.

"Hey Baymax?"

"Yes, Hiro?" Fully charged, but not yet deactivated, the robot peers over at him with an inquisitive tilt to his body.

"Think you could put those videos on?" Baymax blinks, as much as a robot does blink, and Hiro imagines that he's processing the request. Scanning him, to ensure that this is something that will help with his emotional state. That's another thing that hadn't gone away in time; the almost constant checking.

"Of course."

Turning away from the desk fully, Hiro shuffles his chair forwards, a few more muddy pieces of armor in hand, rag at the ready. Baymax dutifully waits for him to get settled; projector lighting up in his stomach the moment his patient seems ready. Hiro doesn't hide the smile that curls upwards at the sight of a familiar face.

"This is Tadashi Hamada, and this is the...thirteenth test of my robotics project."

There were thousands and thousands of hours of videos on Baymax; hundreds of thousands of scans and diagnostics as well, thanks to the optimal scanner Hiro had fitted him with. It was already to the point where he'd had to install a chip just for his memory bank; a little blue chip capable of handling all those session recordings and client files. Baymax had certainly approved; with the capacity of memory his system had been able to handle prior, over half the information he'd originally scanned in those first few months had to be discarded to allow room for tracking his target at the time (or patient, even if...target was a little more common, as of late).

Of course, that had caused more troubles. There were a lot of people with a lot of different issues in this city; for a while there, all he'd really been able to do was twitch in the direction of the next person with issues current or severe enough to require immediate attention. It had taken some very careful tinkering to ensure that Baymax could actually focus on one patient at a time.

And Hiro would always be Baymax's primary patient.

Which was why he awoke the next morning to the sound of Tadashi's voice and some bit of machinery going terribly wrong, still in his seat and not quite comfortable in the way his body had curled about a clean piece of armor- a shin guard, apparently. Groaning, he lets it drop to the floor as he stretches out, bleary eyes resting on the form of his brother sheepishly talking to someone off camera, just...enjoying the moment.

Watching these videos was a reminder; of what he'd lost. What he could gain. Why he did what he was doing. Hundreds of videos; hundreds of hours of his brother, and he still hadn't made his way through all of them. They were a testament to everything Tadashi was, everything he had been. A great man whose inspiration came from giving back to the world. Waking up to his face was-- it didn't hurt, so much. It was Hiro's inspiration.

"You do the institution proud, mister Hamada. This is exceptional work." A voice crackles through the speakers, one that makes his stomach drop and twist unpleasantly. Callaghan appears on the screen, and his reaction is immediate.

"Stop." Just as immediate, the sounds and images disappear.

"Your blood pressure has elevated. What seems to be the problem?" Baymax queries. For a moment, all Hiro can manage is a shake of his head, scooping up the purple leg guard (honestly, he doesn't even remember getting to cleaning it last night, but he hadn't done a half bad job) and tucking it away with the rest of his gear; somewhere Aunt Cass wouldn't accidentally stumble upon it.

"...I'm fine. Wasn't expecting to wake up to that." Almost two years of living with Baymax, and he's used to explaining what he's feeling, why he's feeling it. Might even be a better person for it, at that; it takes more to work him up now, most of the time. He's not the worked up fourteen year old who almost killed a man. He's past that. "Seeing them together; it doesn't feel right. At all. But I'm fine."

It doesn't stop him from being ensnared in the inevitable plush force of Baymax's arms, but it does make the hug last just a little less than it usually would, allowing him to step back and run a hand through his hair, smile small, but genuine.

"Please let me know if your emotional wellbeing continues to worsen. I am here to help."

"I know. Thanks Baymax." It's a good thing he didn't have any intentions of going to school today, because the light filtering through his window tells him that he's slept far longer than he expected to. No reason to get upset about missing part of the day when he never intended to be there in the first place.

For now, he'd take his time. Have a shower, have some lunch. All those good things that made Baymax happy and stopped him from smelling like he'd spent six hours roaming knee deep in mud, last night. After that, then--

Personal project. It's been a long time since he's fallen asleep to those videos, longer still since he's woken to them. With the past few weeks being so busy, he hasn't really had the time-- maybe it was a sign. Or just a really strong trigger.

"Okay. Quiet day today."

"I messaged your professors and peers to advise them you would not be attending; Honey has acknowledged your personal message and advised she would pass it on, in turn." An instant response. "Will we be leaving, soon?"

"Like you'd _let_ me leave without eating." He shoots Baymax an exasperated grin, already in the process of picking out his clothes; honestly, he's pretty sure the robot just likes hearing him say things like that. “We’ll be a while; let's go see Aunt Cass, first."

 

* * *

 

It all started with String Theory.

Or, to be more precise, it started with Silent Sparrow. Call it...morbid, maybe a little obsessive, but in the time between Callaghan's arrest and Baymax's return, he'd been a little....lost.

Not as lost as he had been for those weeks after Tadashi's death, but still lost. Going through the day to day had been something else, something that almost felt new; he'd appreciated things more. Aunt Cass' hugs, having the gang around. Getting to go to the nerd school he'd wanted to; it was great. It was an adventure.

But in those times when all of that stopped, and there was nothing to focus his mind on, he'd found himself skulking around the quarantined island salvaging whatever was left of the computer drives and building them back from the ground up.

So many files had been corrupted-- that said, some weren't, and he was simply-- curious, that's all. Wanted to figure it all out; what had gone wrong, what had inevitably led to his brother's murder.

Finding that out had been...hard. Almost like Tadashi had died all over again, except now there was no point to it. He'd been hurt by someone he'd cared for, someone who broke his trust. It wasn't a thought he wanted to linger on, so Hiro lingered on the project, instead, on masses of information on quantum theory, on the eventual possibilities the project used to have.

One phrase in particular caught him; repeated and rephrased over and over again. Relative State Formulation. Many Worlds Interpretation.

Parallel Universes.

And sure, in his heart of hearts, he knew he wasn't exactly crazy about this theory. It was the least feasible; the least connected to String Theory, the least liable to happen. But if it could, if it did. Multiple worlds, all exactly the same. Almost the same.

What if he wasn't the only one looking? What if it worked? What if what if what if-

He was probably breaking every law of ethics possible, and a fair amount of international ones, as well, but never had he built someone else's invention faster than Silent Sparrow. He'd even brought back the microbots; carefully adjusted to ensure that even /if/ someone got a hold of his neurotransmitter, it wouldn't recognize their DNA. Found somewhere isolated to make it all, took every, painstaking precaution he could. And even that probably wasn't enough.

It was reckless, he knew. Stupid. The possibility any of this would _ever_ work was near zero. Of course, the portal itself was functioning, but all he had was a few old reports on what it might be able to do if they'd tweaked this or that to go off, which left him testing those theories on a very disconnected schedule.

But there was _a_ possibility. If anyone could make it happen, he could.

"Silent Sparrow 2.0, trial two hundred and seventy-seven." His voice echoed in the warehouse around them; some long abandoned thing in the middle of nowhere that he'd fixed up and made absolutely _perfect_ by Krei Industries standards. Gravitational field was in place; hadn't let him down yet. He had more monitors and scans running on this thing then he had field perception in his eyes, and absolutely no hesitation on cutting every single source of power within a ten mile radius that the mere twitch of a potential problem.

No mistakes. Not like Krei.

"Portal active in ten, nine, eight-"

The conditions were perfect, tonight. They'd been perfect every time he'd checked the monitors for the last month. Failed trials weren't because the portal wasn't working; he just hadn't _found_ it yet. Something for it to home in on. Something to cause the right effects-- "Six, five--"

Kicking away from the desk, he gets as near to the portal as he dares- Baymax nearby, just in case. Electromagnetic heels on his shoes, something he could trigger to glue himself to the reinforced floor. It's fine. It's been fine every, single test. But he still wonders, still kicks himself mentally for letting this run every spare moment; even spare moments he doesn't actually have. Thinks about what else he could be doing, how this isn't helping him let _go_ of anything and he can't let himself be another Callaghan, won't go back down that road.

"One."

Around the rim, a blue light builds, flashing across the space within the circular frame. Then nothing. Nothing, like the test before. Like the test before that, and the test before that. Disheartened, Hiro purses his lips, turning to Baymax. Time to call it a night; kit up and go home.

Except then there is something. A spark in the center that builds and grows like an ugly tear through a picture frame, quickly hiding the back of the warehouse from sight as it shows him something new, something entirely different. A different lab; a little cleaner, a little more polished; more state of the art and less made at home. From nothing to something, suddenly Hiro finds himself staring right through to...another portal. Another window. Another world.

And Tadashi. Tadashi, looking as shocked and disbelieving as he does. Tadashi, older and slightly haggard and tired and honestly, what has he been doing, fighting the world one person at a time?

 

 

 

Tadashi.

 


	2. In Which Hiro Breathes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My freaking god, guys. Your support has been absolutely phenomenal. The amount of comments and kudos just- blew me away. What you guys had to say about this had me dying to write more—and luckily, I have most of the next chapter for Defensive Drivers written out, so I didn’t have to~
> 
> Tbqh tho I am a literal piece of shit for updating this so quickly o well.
> 
> By the end of this chapter I fully expect to be hated for all the absolute bullshit I’m clearly going to put these boys through. Ya’ll are welcome.

* * *

 

> **But the beating of my own heart**
> 
> **Was all the sound I heard**
> 
> **-Richard Monckton Milnes**

 

* * *

 

 

“Hiro. Tadashi is here.”

A breathy laugh, strangled and wholly disconnected from what Hiro suspects he’s feeling right now. What it even him? Did he really laugh?

He doesn’t know. He really doesn’t.

Every inch of his being is focused on what he can see before him, on the man seemingly caught up in that same sense of suspended disbelief. Lips form a familiar word; his name.

Hiro, Tadashi is saying. Hiro.

Throat dry, he can’t even manage to swallow, but he does laugh as Tadashi’s hands fly up into his hair, an almost automatic response to his gleeful daze. He can see the way wide, brown eyes, so much like his own, never leave him; can see the point where this situation finally clicks and an exclamation leaves his brother’s mouth, rushing about in a circle like there’s something he should be doing, utter relief and _pride_ as visible as it had been the first time Baymax had operated as he should.

And despite the desperately obvious issue they should be confronting straight away, Hiro can’t take this moment away from him. From either of them. Hiro smiles, he laughs some more, brushes tears from stinging eyes in a motion that’s almost an afterthought. This one moment, just this one, is absolutely perfect. It’s enough. It’s all he ever wanted.

Then, the portal cuts out.

“No! No no no no no. What ha— _fuck_!” Hiro races back to the monitors and checks them. Every single one, again and again until he’s not even processing what he’s seeing, except that it’s all _fine_ and there was _nothing_ wrong so _why_ —

Breathing going more and more uneven by the moment, his fingers fly across the keyboards, entering user command after user command, still searching for the slightest altercation. Tadashi’s still dancing in his mind, real for what seemed like only a rare momentary lapse of universal leniency, before he was ripped away again. And it _can’t do that, it can’t—_

“Hiro.” There’s been a buzzing filtering in the back of his mind for the past few minutes; minutes, hours—and it culminates into Baymax insistently calling to him, taking the slightest indication that his attention has been registered to scoop Hiro up into his arms. “Hiro, your heart rate has increased dramatically. If you do not regulate your breathing, this could lead to; loss of consciousness. Please follow my instructions.”

“Baymax! Baymax, no- not now! Just—get off—” Struggling is, as per usual, absolutely useless. He goes limp as Baymax continues to count in his breathing, releasing and reinflating the air in his chest cavity to replicate the instructions. Hiro doesn’t have it in him right now, but if he did, he’d tell the other quite sharply that humans can’t talk and _breathe at the same time_ like that. It’s disconcerting.

Still, it was working. He could feel his body slowly going limp, allowing the bot to take his weight without resistance for as long as Baymax deemed necessary, expression— torn.

It worked. For just a minute, it worked, but then it just…

What if something went wrong on Tadashi’s end? The thought was a wholly unpleasant one, nothing he’d keep in mind. Nothing he’d ever, _ever_ contemplate. Worse still, what if they couldn’t connect again? Both alive, both trying, but they’d never know. Tadashi could already be trying again, right now.

“We’re staying here tonight.” Hiro mutters eventually, rubbing at his eyes as he’s gently deposited on the floor. “Getting this portal working again; it’ll improve my emotional state.”

It’s the only thing that’s going to improve his emotional state.

“Understood; however, your body requires sustenance. Please take a moment to eat before continuing with your work.” Good. Fine. He’d packed a few things in a backpack before coming here anyway.

It’s just hard to swallow, especially under Baymax’s watchful gaze. He manages a sandwich from the café and a bit of water before he’s back to work; scowling down over the controls, Hiro begins checking everything over once more. Slowly, this time. He can’t afford to miss anything. Nothing abnormal, not even slightly; he’s not just within parameters, he’s _exactly_ on mark.

“I don’t get it.”

The system isn’t exactly perfect. It wasn’t developed enough for what he was trying to do; but even so, there’s nothing wrong with his current calculations. The portal’s still on, still happily chewing up power, but aside from the ever present hum of electricity when Hiro gets close enough, nothing. Not even a spark.

They’re not dead either, so there goes that train of thought.

“The calculations _have_ to be off, somewhere. Something I should’ve added— shouldn’t have added. I don’t know. The portal can’t just…connect like that and cut out.” Grimacing, Hiro runs a hand over his eyes, stubbornly ignoring the darker alternatives as much as he’s ignoring the building headache. Realistically, there had been signs that something was wrong. He should’ve known, the moment he couldn’t—

“Baymax.” Oh. Oh, of course. Resisting the urge to drop his face into his hands for not thinking of it sooner, he turns to his ever present companion, hardly daring to hope. “Did you _scan_ Tadashi?”

“Of course.” Baymax’s stomach lights up, and sure enough, it’s all there on the screen. Hiro reaches out blindly, fumbling about until his hand hits the back of a chair, pulling it over because he really needs to…sit down.

“You’re amazing… tell me about it. All of it.” Baymax has been the breakthrough he needed so many times in the past; and right now, all he needs is one thing. Just one thing.

“My diagnosis was, optimal. Tadashi is healthy, with slight sleep and vitamin deficiencies. He is two years and 25 days older than last diagnosis records.”

“So…he’s twenty-one now…” Not that much older, then. About the only difference that had been a little off-putting was the lack of hat; he wore it in almost every video, almost every memory Hiro had of him, out and about.

In comparison, the difference between a fourteen and sixteen year old was pretty drastic. What had Tadashi thought of him?

“Anything else? Anything…weird. Out of place.” He could wonder over his brother’s reaction later, when the pressing weight of such a successful trial wasn’t hanging over his head. Right now, Hiro needed…

“My sensors had difficulty pin pointing Tadashi’s location. Estimated window for optimal diagnosis was, two point six seconds.” A discrepancy. A little one; or a big one. Just like that. “My scan also provided a discrepancy between Tadashi’s ages in my databanks; he is, one day and, eight hours older than prior.”

“Is that right…” Well, _that_ was information he could use. Mulling it over in his mind, Hiro stares down at the screens, mind racing from one possible concept to the next. Perhaps; just maybe…it was possible…

“It is possible that my scanner is, inoperable.” Baymax offers, but he doesn’t even finish the sentence before the teen starts shaking his head.

“No; your scanner’s perfect.” He’d only checked it over today; routine after a long night out. He’d bet his life that it hadn’t had a single issue in months. “Parallel worlds…the concept alone is big. Really big. A whole new frontier. Maybe, the Tadashi on that world was born earlier— or maybe our worlds aren’t in sync. Maybe his is slightly faster.”

Say that was true, say that it was…Hiro checks the nearest timer, mind flying through the possibility. If it was five thirty pm here, then it could be… one thirty in the morning, for Tadashi. Not tomorrow morning, but the day after.

That could be causing plenty of problems. Slouching back in his chair, Hiro swipes stray locks from his face, eyes staring off into the distance, but not seeing a thing. Say that was it, say that was _the_ problem.

“Baymax, you’re a lifesaver.”

“I am a robot; my current skills in water related rescues is—”

“It’s just an expression.”

 

* * *

 

 

In a period of two hours, Hiro has to turn the portal off twice. He’s never actually had it running this long before, and to counteract the heat that the machine must be letting off at this point, homemade air conditioning units turned the warehouse into a practical ice box. Baymax stayed close behind him no matter where he went or what he was doing, emitting enough heat from his vinyl form to keep Hiro semi-comfortable no matter what business he was attending to.

Two hours is…way too long, really. Seven in the evening for him, past three for his brother. If his hypothesis is correct. But he has to install the component he created as carefully as possible, and the portal can’t be active for that. If Hiro was being more cautious, more responsible, he probably wouldn’t bring it to full power for weeks.

If the hypothesis isn’t correct? Hiro’s not about to see him for a few weeks, as is. Shifting anxiously from one foot to the other, he double checks everything, and starts it up.

Look at that. Still not dead.

His phone vibrates in his pocket, causing Hiro to leap about a foot in the air before hastily pulling it out. Checking the caller ID, he can’t help the way he groans, forcing a nervous grin as he holds it up to his ear. Now— now isn’t the best time for this.

“Hi Aunt Cass.”

“Hiro! Oh gosh, you picked up fast. Did I interrupt something?”

“No! No, I was just about to start a new…experiment, though. School stuff, you know? Some of these teachers give out the craziest assignments.” Yep. Assignments. Even if technically, the craziest professor he had was himself.

“Ah, well I’ll be quick. Wouldn't want to keep my college boy from his work, but; I wanted to check if you’d be home for dinner. I guess you and Baymax are a little busy, huh? Say hi for me!” Hiro glances nervously over to the robot; who still wasn’t the best at keeping secrets. At all.

“He says hi back. Uh, save me something? I dunno how late we’ll be back though, so…”

“Right, right. Well, use the back door, okay? Try not to make a mess, lock after yourself. The café was a madhouse today, so I’m gonna crash on the couch with Mochi. Wake me up if I haven’t already scooted my butt into bed.”

“Sure, Aunt Cass.” A pause. Once upon a time, any affection outside of Tadashi was…hard. Baymax had changed that. His friends had changed that. He could hug Aunt Cass right back, initiate things. Say ‘I love you’ first.

If she knew what he was doing, she wouldn’t be saying anything to him right now. Hiro was positive of that. The silence gets heavier until he braves the effort of breaking it, voice low, uncertain.

“Love you, Aunt Cass.”

“Oh Hiro, I love you too. Try not to work too hard…you sound exhausted. I’ll see you later; tomorrow, maybe?”

“Definitely. Bye.”

The portal should be his only occupation right now, but it takes him a long time to look away from his phone. Consequences were the name of the game, and— he was playing off people who really, really cared for him, wasn’t he?

Right. Woman up, Hiro; tomorrow, he’d make it up to her. Get home early enough for a movie, if he can’t manage dinner. She was his last family; he was _her_ last family. That was a responsibility; a price he couldn’t take lightly anymore.

Not with the way things were going.

Exhaling sharply, Hiro snatches up a pad of paper and a pen, writing down a few key points to show to Tadashi. And then he waits.

And waits. And waits. Seven becomes eight pretty quickly, notebook growing heavier as time goes on. That presence of failure grows larger and larger as time goes on. Maybe he did mess up.

Maybe. The worst part is not knowing. Not knowing if he’s fixed things, not knowing if it’s worse. Not knowing if Tadashi would try until exhaustion had him on the brink of collapse or if he’s already given up for the night. Not knowing what he’s going to say when he finally comes forwards with all of his ideas; immoral, heavy concepts with so much wrong with them he feels inherently selfish just for having them in his mind. Not knowing how this was all going to turn out. This was…really, really stupid.

But so, so worth it when the portal finally sputters to life again.

Tadashi’s there, behind the consol. Eyes focused on the growing hole in space and time. They zero in on him, and even if he’s not close enough to see those tiny details, Hiro knows the corners of his eyes are crinkling with delicate lines as he smiles broadly, knows the way his shoulders sag is due to hours and hours of painful tension being melted away by success, knows that the ruffled appearance of his hair is due to anxious fingers tugging at his hair as he paced about, working through the problems on his mind.

His brother comes around the edge of the system, approaching slowly, and once again the moment is perfect.

This time Hiro doesn’t hesitate to break it. Loathe as he is to see Tadashi slow to a halt, it’s a sign that he’s really paying attention, scanning the message held in his hands. The one he’s scribbled over and highlighted and underlined a million times over.

**I CAN’T HEAR YOU.**

Tadashi mouths the words (or says them, there’s no real way to tell) before looking back up to take in his face, expression urgent. Opens his mouth and asks a question that Hiro can only guess at.

“It’s not working.” Useless words. Hiro taps his throat and shakes his head in frustration, stomach twisting itself into knots. Of course he’d noticed the first time. And though the light emitting from the portal itself makes it hard to tell, the teen is willing to bet that none of it is filtering through from the other side at all.

The portal isn’t acting like a portal. They’re not even producing a window. If he was forced to explain it to anyone, he might liken it to a…a video call, almost. A muted video call. All in live time, but not exactly connected; further apart than even Abigail had been, lost in her own personal limbo.

Though… there is one more thing he wants to try. Shifting as close to the shimmering surface as he dares, Hiro produces a coin from his pockets, holding it up for his brother to see. Judging his understanding from his expression.

Lips thinning, Tadashi nods his head, folding his arms as he steps back to give Hiro room. Just in case he’s wrong, just to ensure nothing terrible happens— Oh, but who are they kidding? Hiro left the lifelong lessons of scientific caution behind hours ago.

Leaning forwards, Hiro lightly tosses the coin into the void, watching it disappear from sight. After several moments, it’s not hard to assume that the void won’t be spitting it back out anytime soon. The urge to rub his eyes is back, the emotional strain of the day really taking its toll on both his patience and his ability to function. But he can’t take his eyes off Tadashi, and he’s glad he doesn’t, because the elder pushes right through his own disappointment to light heartedly make a face.

Hiro doesn’t know if he’s seen a better sight in all of his life.

…Ah, but he’s getting caught up again. Jolting out of his fixation, he flips to the next page of his book, holding it up for Tadashi to see. The words are crisp and clear, heavily traced over to ensure they’re thick enough to stand out. No room for misunderstandings, here.

**WHAT TIME IS IT? DATE?**

Tadashi reads it over quickly. Eyes lighting up, he holds up a hand- ‘one second’. A moment later and he’s disappeared over to an area of the lab Hiro can’t see, stomach twisting at the lack of him. C’mon, Silent Sparrow; don’t you cut off now…

One god or another must be looking out for them, because it doesn’t. Soon, Tadashi is back where he stood before, scrawling onto a clipboard and holding it up with the feverish enthusiasm of a five year old.

**HELLO TO YOU TOO, BOSS**

 

 

 

 

It’s absolutely, positively ridiculous that one, stupid, messily written joke, is precisely what it takes to make Hiro burst into tears.

He can’t tell, really, but through the haze he’s sure he can see Tadashi waving at him, blurred motions stilling just seconds before something plush bumps into his back. Hiro doesn’t hesitate to slump back and allow Baymax to take his weight, allowing the hug, the inevitable head pat.

“There, there; it will be alright.”

“Thanks, Baymax.” A sniffle; too much in one day. His body isn’t really equipped for this— still wreaking havoc on his hormones. After this he’s going to go home and sleep forever, but right now he’s just wasting time.

Mopping up his face, his gaze falls back on Tadashi; eternally patient Tadashi, who gives him an encouraging, slightly pained look as he holds up yet another sign; the only thing he can do, aside from mouthing the singular word and exaggerating the gesture with his own body.

**BREATHE**

Right. Okay. A few more hasty swipes at his eyes before he nods, giving Tadashi a watery little smile in acknowledgement. It’s all the prompt he needs to turn the page back over to what he’d written before; every motion gentle. Careful.

**MARCH 13. 5:04 AM. YOU?**

Mm…then he was right. Exhaling raggedly, he holds up another pre-written message; two minutes in and one crying jag later, but Hiro’s still ahead in the conversation, already decided on what information’s most important to get across. Time was a pretty basic start; but for all Tadashi’s brilliance, he couldn’t just hold up some complicated, hand written diagram of what he’s done so far and expect it to be memorised before the portals cut out again.

**MARCH 11 TH. WE’RE 32 HRS APART.**

Tadashi’s expression is immediately quizzical, tapping his head in question; how did Hiro figure that out? It changes to pride once Hiro gestures to the robot behind him with a pointed jerk of his head, beaming. At how useful his invention had been in the most unexpected of situations? Or at Hiro, for utilising every tool at his disposal to come up with something a little more concrete?

Both, Hiro had to assume. Absently, he wonders why he hasn’t seen Tadashi’s Baymax, yet, even if only for the personal recording. It’s a different lab, for sure, but the health care robot was some serious tech…had he already been finished?

**NICE**

Written approval pulls the grin right out of him, shifting until he’s standing on his own once more. Baymax hovers behind him as the light from the portal dims ominously, and from the way Tadashi looks apprehensively up at it, he’s not the only one who noticed.

Better, but still not there yet; how much longer until he- they’ve, figured out how to stabilise everything was a mystery. The thing was, though that it was a challenge they’d be facing together from now on; no matter how illegal Hiro’s work had been for the past few years, Tadashi was here with him. Ready and probably willing to disapprove, but here for him. And he would be tomorrow, Hiro had to remind himself. They’ve gotten it to work twice, now; he’d be here tomorrow.

For now, they had to say goodbye.

Lifting the notebook once more, Hiro finds himself at a loss on what to write. One page; just a sentence, if that, to get all of his feelings across. All of his intentions. All of his grief and misery and relief and joy, all the love he’s never, ever going to allow himself to be unsure of Tadashi knowing ever again.

He wants all that fierce affection to come through in a short, sharp promise, but Tadashi beats him to it. Six words; strong and stark, familiar to a fault. They said everything the two of them needed to say.

 

**I’M NOT GIVING UP ON YOU.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note, but if the formatting for the signage is irritating and you have a suggestion to make it easier on you/everyone, let me know in a comment!


	3. In Which Hiro is Duly Warned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry about the wait on this chapter! I was on a roll with this story and then life poked me squarely in the ribs. Hard. I’m cautiously optimistic on there still being a chapter every two weeks on my current schedule, earlier if we’re lucky, but I can’t promise more than that since I got a promotion of sorts at work and now have zero time to write on the job...and Defensive Driver is literally just easier to update, to be honest.
> 
> Also, you might have noticed some changes. I have a much more defined timeline for this fic and am expecting it to end around chapter 13; before going into a sequel. Mhmm. Sequel. Because of this, a lot of the consolidation of their relationship…isn’t going to happen until we hit said sequel, but I promise more than a few implications of it building up to that!
> 
> Also this is my struggle chapter. In which I struggle not to rush this chapter because I want to get to the next chapter. Next chapter is going to fuck everything up. FORESHADOWING.

* * *

 

> **“The worst moments in life are heralded by small observations.”**   
>  **― Andy Weir**

 

* * *

 

 

“What have you been up to, lately?”

One thing that could be said of San Fransokyo Institute of Technology; the food? Was _awesome_. So much so that the cafeteria was constantly packed, a mess to get in and out of. Lunch meant standing in line for at least ten minutes with someone standing a little too close to his back, then scrambling for a spare table…or one with a few seats free.

Tadashi used to complain about it sometimes. When Hiro was complaining about silly little things, he’d pipe up a few silly little things of his own. ‘Man, that cafeteria food! You get so much you can’t eat it all before it gets cold! And it’s so good, too; such a bummer. Worst part of my life; I can never be happy again. Woe, Hiro! Woe!’

And then there was the tree. Out in the courtyard, some scrawny thing which never actually produced any leaves, and offered absolutely no shelter at all. Their spot; Tadashi’s and their friends- and his now, too. A place to gather and sit around in the dirt discussing projects or losing themselves in last minute cram or egging each other on to do stupid stuff; like kids do. Like young adults do.

Little things like that were probably what attracted Hiro to this place now, as much as it had repelled him for months after he finally came to study.

Under that tree, leaning against the trunk, Hiro cradles a bento of Aunt Cass’ finest foods, absently stirring the rice around as he stares vacantly through the bare trees, up at the sky. Bright blue… a cloudless day. The twelfth day in a row where Tadashi had accurately described the weather to him; thirty two hours ahead, but the only difference seemed to be time. So far, at least.

Things changed, and then they didn’t. Tadashi wasn’t in school anymore, Hiro finally was. Tadashi had bought himself an apartment close to work; Hiro didn’t want to consider leaving their room, not just yet. Tadashi was working for Krei, and that—

That had come as a pretty big surprise.

“Hiro?”

Working for Krei, that…was the surprising part. Hiro hadn’t seen the man since… what? The opening of the Tadashi Hamada building; mostly funded by Krei Tech itself. Thanks to Hiro; he had the money for it. He had the opportunity to play the victim to its fullest, to sue—for everything.

Thanks to Hiro, he still _had_ ability. The fact that Krei was well aware of who he and his team were, as well as the significance of what really went down at Krei Tech was more than enough reason to continue avoiding him for as long as he could do so.

So how come Tadashi could handle working for him? At that, _why_ would he be working for him? The only answer there was the portal; he was there for the portal, reckless in the most responsible way possible. He might have teased him about it, if it wasn’t going to be so useful in the future.

“Hiro Hamada!” Two hands collide together above his head with a loud clap, and rice goes absolutely everywhere.

“GoGo, what the hell?! He was eating that, not trying to _wear it._

“Oh my god.” Honey splutters. Covering her mouth with her hands, she can’t hide how red her face is, or the way her shoulders are shaking. But at least she’s _trying_ , unlike the rest of this rag tag group.

“Thanks guys.” He brushes the rice off his lap with a flat look at GoGo, blatantly ignoring the fact that Fred is literally rolling on the floor.

“Welcome back to planet Earth, mighty leader.” Wasabi offers him a wave between his guffaws, to which Hiro possibly flips him off. Definitely flips him off. And GoGo too, for good measure.

She’s not even slightly phased. “Ready to pay attention now?”

“Sure, fine. What’s up?”

“Honey had a question. She only asked it- what? Five times.” GoGo’s lips twitch upwards, just slightly. "Space cadet.”

“Sorry, Hiro,” One more giggle, and Honey clears her throat, shaking blond hair out of her face. She was debating cutting it all off last week; had she decided not to? He can’t tell if the ends are straight—er, straighter, than usual. But as always it’s still nice; he likes the way it frames her face, makes it all the warmer as she focuses her attention and smile on him. “I was wondering where you’ve been, the past few days? You said you’d send me a message the day before last, but—well, none of us have seen you.”

Ah. Hiro glances down, partially sheepish, partially wracking his brain, coming up with the fastest explanation. Not the whole truth; they’d have a fit, shut everything down, but not a lie, either. GoGo might be sunning herself, but she’d catch him out in a lie any day.

Vague truth was his go to deflection, anyway.

“I was working on something; just a pet project, you know. And I had a breakthrough with it. I guess I got carried away.” He rubs the back of his neck with a sheepish grin, and that’s—almost the end of it. The excuse is accepted almost immediately, a story they’ve all heard at one time or another, and a story that’s usually been the absolute truth every other time, to boot.

“Just try and remember us, next time. I wasn’t sure if you’d checked, but there’s nothing really—our style going on this week, so we voted for a short vacation. Until the next big mission!” Honey volunteered helpfully, and he grins at her, more than enthused by the prospect. Okay, so he should probably keep paying a little more attention to the news; but really, earlier this week had been the first big mission they’d done in months. People had started thinking better about making trouble in this city.

Good thing, too. More time for himself.

“I’ll keep an eye on things, let you guys know.”

“Awesome. So, Hiro,” Fred sits up, picking Hiro’s bento up off his lap and helping himself to the last of the rice that had stayed safely within its confines. “What’s the project? Laser eyes? Robot dog! Big Hero-mobile!”

“It’s a surprise—and I wasn’t done with that!” Having friends is…such a good feeling. And it’s unfortunate that he’d had to lose so much to gain it.

 

* * *

 

 

 **You have rice in your hair.** Hiro scoffs, reaching up to ruffle black locks—and sure enough, more than one piece goes flying. Tadashi watches from his place on the other side of the portal, expression eternally amused, eyes brighter and face visibly more awake and alive than it had been that first night.

He always knew he was Tadashi’s best source of amusement.

 **Not my fault! GoGo attacked me with some rice; and then Fred did too. For like, twenty minutes.** Each letter is punctuated by a steady tapping noise, fast and almost rhythmic. **I’m going to be finding rice for weeks.**

**And here I was, hoping that you’d started showering more often than that.**

**Oh haha. Excuse me while I call the press; world’s funniest guy, right here.**

Computers were a great idea. A fantastic one; with a keyboard under their fingertips, writing to each other was a much simpler process, one that barely required any thought. Even with the monitors facing towards the portal, both of them were more than confident enough to feel out when they’d made a mistake, correcting it without looking. Hardly making any without looking. They could talk. Not just in fragmented sentences, but real, actual conversations.

Every day made it feel more and more like Tadashi had just gone off overseas for a really long time, and hadn’t been able to keep in touch until now.

Of course, the warehouse was still absolutely freezing. That kind of ruined the effect. Hiro was wearing about four layers; to stop Baymax from squishing him against the floor every time he sat down.

Tadashi, clever and witty as always, commented that the huggable, marshmallow look had really caught on. And then laughed when Hiro stuck out his tongue.

**Let’s not call the press just yet, okay? Witty as I am, I highly doubt the universe is ready for me.**

**Which universe; yours, or mine? Because that could be half the problem here—no universe equipped enough to handle your lame jokes.**

**Hiro!** Tadashi pouts, pushing out his lower lip in an exaggerated motion, resting a hand over his heart. **Don’t you know it’s every big brother’s sacred duty to embarrass their knucklehead siblings?**

 **Don’t YOU know it’s every knucklehead sibling’s duty to tell their big brother they’re a nerd?** Again, laughter, and again, he can’t hear it. But he can see the way Tadashi’s shoulders shake; the way he tosses his head slightly, just shy of tossing it back with a boom of amusement. He can see the way his eyes crinkle, and how the shadows under his eyes disappear. His brother looks five years younger; two. Two years younger. The only thing missing is the hat.

“Hiro, the projection has finished.” Baymax announces beside him. Thanks to his recording capabilities (those hyper spectral cameras were the best idea Tadashi ever had) transferring information was a lot easier than either of them had first hesitated to guess; just load everything up on a half hour video, and Baymax could capture every single separate frame, leaving the two of them to enjoy the time they had, rather than spend it frantically trying to collate information.

They’d come so far in such a fast amount of time. Tadashi had been pretty upfront in his desire not to waste that; if ever there was a chance things could go wrong…they needed good memories to make things worth it. Not just a lot of effort gone to waste.

Hiro wasn’t about to let things go wrong. Not even slightly. But even so, it was the easiest thing in the world to agree. To have this time.

There were still so many things to catch up to.

“Great job; you want me to get Tadashi to hook the next video up for you?”

“Yes; although, much of this information does not appear to affect my abilities as a healthcare provider.”

“Well that’s because it’s not meant to. You won’t be holding onto that data for long. Once Tadashi ‘logs off’, we’ll get it downloaded somewhere else.”

“I understand. Please tell Tadashi that I am ready for his next video.”

“Already on it.”

\--Or not.

 **What’s up?** He’s caught that look a few times, tonight. Something…sad, even distracted in the way Tadashi looks at him, looks at Baymax. As soon as he sees it, it’s gone, but this time it seems to have found itself a permanent fixture in Tadashi’s expression.

 **I guess it’s just a little unbelievable, to me.** Even his typing is slow. **Using Baymax again. You’ve made some changes.**

**Well…yeah. I mean I have all his original data backed up, ten times over, but I couldn’t stop myself from tweaking him at least a _little._ He’s been really**

Hold up.

**You haven’t been using Baymax?**

Tadashi shakes his head, mouth twisting into a rueful little grin.

**I haven’t worked on him for two years. Lost the motivation, so to speak.**

The implication of those two sentences is staggering. For several moments, all Hiro can do is stare, mind running a mile a minute. But Baymax was the one who discovered his microbots were being manufactured. Baymax flew them to the island; _located_ the island. Baymax was the only reason—

**Robert Callaghan.**

It’s obviously not a name Tadashi expects to see, because his body jerks, just slightly, lips thinning into a tight line. The age he’d lost over the course of the night comes rushing back as he watches Hiro type, as Hiro watches him.

**You know what he did, right? Callaghan didn’t you do know what he did. You knwo?**

**If we’re talking about the same thing here, then yeah.** Tadashi exhales visibly, running a hand through his hair. **I guess some people stay the same no matter what universe you’re in.**

 **Sorry, I know it’s not—I don’t want to bring up anything hard. It’s just different.** He’s surprised. Genuinely surprised; and confused. And worried. His own fingers copy the motions of Tadashi’s just a moment ago, raking through his hair before he types more of his response. **When did you find out about him?**

 **Hey, it’s okay. I don’t want you to think we can’t talk about** The words pause, for a moment. **stuff like this. I found out after Krei Tech went down. He almost went down with it. Getting arrested was the least harm that could have happened to him.**

Hiro leans back, fingers and face tingling with a sense of numbness that hadn’t been there a moment ago; Tadashi notices. Of course he notices. Eyes narrowed, he doesn’t take them off Hiro as his fingers fly across the keyboard, sitting further upright as the seriousness of their conversation catches up to him.

**I’ll hazard a guess that you didn’t find out like that. What happened?**

“Tadashi…”

What happened was

He

 **I found out as bit earlier.** Baymax is hovering over him from behind; his neuro-something he can’t think right now don’t ask him please- are probably off the charts, and his fingers visibly shake whenever he lifts them from the keyboard. **its a lofng sotry**

Tadashi waves a hand at him, shifting closer to the portal- barely a foot away as he mouths that similar constant; the best word in the world. Breathe Hiro, breathe. He doesn’t lean back until Hiro does as he’s told, doesn’t take his eyes off him for a single moment. In comparison to how Hiro feels, Tadashi looks calm. So tired, but calm.

 **Hey. That’s okay. We have all the time in the world to talk about it.** A smile, soft and assuring. **And when we do, it won’t be with keyboards and computer monitors. Promise.**

There’s a silence; he can hear Baymax shifting around, moving back to the outer edge of the room; giving him space. He seems to be assured that the best care for Hiro right now is his own inventor, which is true. They don’t need to type when they can just look; just look and see everything they’ve been missing, just share a few, weak little smiles; even a few soft laughs as Tadashi pulls a few faces at him to lighten the mood.

God, but he could never be that person. To go from the worst of discussions to pulling the people around him back up with just a few gestures; that was Tadashi’s gift. The gift of the older brother, the supporter, the protector. Hiro could lead but he was sixteen going on seventeen and the emotions of others were well and truly out of his grasp—he barely had a vague handle on his own, no matter how much it had improved from when he was younger.

This is why he needs Tadashi. He could never be his brother.

He can only create and improve what they already have going for them; cold technology, and hope that’s enough to prove how much he _wants_ to do as much as Tadashi does for him.

**Portal’s probably going to cut out soon. Hiro, I know you’re not feeling great, but I need to tell you something, alright? Memorize it for me.**

**Sure. Of course.**

For a few minutes there, Hiro worries about the future. He worries about what it’s really going to mean when they finally get to talk, when he finally has to explain himself. He worries about telling Tadashi that Baymax knows karate and that every day, they get here by flying in carbon fibre suits. He worries about telling him what he’s really been doing the past few years; the double life between school and being a hero, about the fact that he’d dragged all their friends with him. He worries about telling him just how illegal it is, what Hiro’s been doing on his end. He worries about telling him that for a good few hours, back when he was fourteen, he almost became a murderer.

And he’ll keep worrying about them. He’ll worry and worry until sleep comes from absolute exhaustion in the early hours of the morning, when the lights from the cars outside aren’t making shadows on the screen across from his bed. When shadows aren’t forming and for a few seconds he can’t pretend that maybe, just maybe, he can see a person back there, a familiar figure. He’ll worry so much it’ll infect his dreams, haunting him with images of fire and screams he barely recognises as his own, until he wakes up with the smell of _burning_ in his nose.

He’ll worry, but not about what he has to say in the future.

Hiro’s far more worried about just what could possibly be waiting for him when he goes downstairs for breakfast to have Tadashi writing a message like that.

 

**Tomorrow, Aunt Cass might need to tell you something. Listen to her. Stay strong.**

**Don’t lock yourself away.**


	4. In Which Glass Breaks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to warn as many of you as possible that this chapter would be dark.
> 
> And it’s not dark in a manner a lot of you may have come to expect from fanfiction; I don’t know if there’s any trigger warnings I could even put to it. No one’s getting physically hurt; no one’s ill, no one dies. This chapter culminates around the one, horrible, personal situation that happened to inspire this whole story in the first place.
> 
> Bh6 is a fandom a lot of people seem to come to when they’ve had personal experience with loss; this chapter is the hard reality of that, the part where I wanted to write something that made people sick to their stomachs when I turned around and I told them no, this isn’t fiction. Things like this happen all the time. And this story is going to keep on running with these hard hits of reality because out of absolutely everything I want this story to be, to do, I want it to make you guys devastated. I want it to make you really, really angry. And I'm praying I got that down pat.
> 
> The point of no return starts now.

* * *

 

**For some moments in life there are no words.**

**-David Seltzer**

 

* * *

 

 

Hiro gets sleep in fragments. Around the time when his room is just starting to glow a soft blue, when the sun is rising but it isn’t there just yet, he drops off for the first time. The second, the world is a hue of pink. Orange. Five am. Six am. Six forty five.

At seven, he gives up on it altogether, rolling on his side to stare at the screen hiding Tadashi’s bed from view, and wishing not for the first time that his brother had just been a little clearer in what he’d meant. Don’t lock himself away…why? Was the FBI coming for him? Did the city erect another shrine to his brother that caustically shoved him back into the limelight; back to days of keeping his head down before he grabbed a microphone and screamed into it that everyone needed to _leave him **alone**_ ; was that it?

Maybe this was a test. Maybe Tadashi wanted to see just how much he’d changed; if he’d matured enough to deal with his emotions, to not run away from things. Get bad news and face the day anyway.

He could handle that. He could keep control. Tadashi obviously hadn’t dealt with the media over this much; he wasn’t the ‘tragic child genius goes to university of murdered brother’, he wouldn’t have had his name keep cropping up like that.

If Hiro had to guess, he’d say Tadashi probably hadn’t been asked what it felt like, knowing his own technology had been the cause of his death.

No…Hiro could deal under that pressure.

“But he never said that was it.” A frustrated groan, and Hiro kicks the covers away from himself, rubbing his face. His eyes are stinging from lack of sleep; and he’s sixteen. Two, three hours and he can usually face the day with an energy drink in hand. Today felt like-

Today felt like a day where getting up out of bed was damning.

Breakfast. If he didn’t have breakfast; something filling, something that gave him a bit of energy, Baymax would hound him until he bought the closest thing resembling food, and the last time that had happened…well, street vendor hot dogs were way better on the way down.

“Ow.” A mumbled call in passing; he’s going to shower, and Baymax will probably make his way downstairs, bother Mochi. Help or hinder his way about the café for a while. It gives Hiro the space he needs to wake up; not a morning person on the best of days.

Waking up culminates into blankly staring at water dripping off his fringe for a good ten minutes.

Is he being ridiculous? Possibly. There was always a chance that absolutely nothing was wrong; he and Tadashi were leading very different lives right now. Different lives, different worlds, different universes. So what if the weather always matched; statistically, that was just one little thing. One tiny fraction of the happenings in the world that could be used, could be studied. There was absolutely no reason to be working himself up this much.

Except that Tadashi expected him to.

Stomping his way down the stairs twenty minutes later, Hiro stops short on the second floor. “Aunt Cass?”

The café should be open by now. She should be downstairs.

But she isn’t.

His aunt was kind of a goofball. A lovable goofball, who’d done her best despite the lack of parenting books and the ability to cope with half the things her nephews had come up with. She’d lost more than Hiro usually thought about, and still, she was this bright…positive person. Bubbly, always practicing service with a smile. He wasn’t the most attentive person, but in the past two years Hiro had come to admire that spirit greatly.

Seeing her at the kitchen table, coffee cup in hand, she just looked…lost.

“Hiro, sweetie.” She hadn’t called him that for a very long time. A very, long time. “Do you think we could…chat for a minute? Mano a mano, grown up like.”

“Sure, Aunt Cass.” He creeps over to the table with all the caution he would have held as an eight year old who knew he was about to get grounded, carefully taking a seat. Damn it, Tadashi. Damn it. “Is everything okay?”

A sigh is his answer, slim fingers tapping against the rim of the mug on the table in a contemplative fashion. Silence fills the room and—and where’s Baymax, actually? He’d sent him down, right? Surely Aunt Cass wasn’t about to leave him alone in the café.

“I don’t know how to say this. You’d think I’d eventually—buy something. A guide book, cue cards.” She makes a face in a half-hearted attempt of a joke, and Hiro takes note of the fact that she looks old. Tired.

Like Tadashi did last night.

“Hiro, the committal hearing for Prof- for Tadashi’s case, it’s starting today.”

“What?” The information doesn’t sink in so well; he stares blankly at her, waiting for other words to come. Or for his mind to rethink them and come up with something else. The committal hearing…starts today. Today? The trial starts today. “W-why didn’t you tell me? I mean, I’ll have to email my professors but; when’s it start? How do we get there? What-“

“No, sweetie.” A gentle interruption. “No, it’s… it’s just legalities. A bunch of doctors come in to talk about—stuff, and the firefighters and police who responded to the emergency call, and then they decide on…how to proceed with the case from here, that’s all.”

“In court. Right? It’s in court.” She doesn’t say no but she’s not _answering either,_ which pulls an exasperated huff from him as he pushes back his chair, ready to move. It might start soon, so he’s got to get ready; change his clothes to something else, he doesn’t know, go incognito as a member of the public, or something. Stay out of the limelight. “Then we’re still _going_ ; come on. We should get ready before we end up being…”

She’s.

She’s still not answering him.

There’s something terribly wrong with that. Something just off about the way she’s staring at her cup, the way her hands curl about it. For warmth, for strength. His aunt is one of the strongest people he knows; when Hiro collapsed in on himself, she shone like the sun, kept moving.

This is wrong.

“We can’t, Hiro. I know.” She cuts him off before he has a moment to exclaim at her, raising a hand for silence. “I know you want to go. I do. But it’s…complicated. I just got off the phone with the DPP, and they’ve been checking, but…sweetie, we can’t.”

“But…but _why?_ ” He doesn’t get it. His body doesn’t get it, stock still, fingers trembling. His emotions don’t get it, out to lunch whilst his mind circles around that one question. Why, why? Why is she telling him this? Why today? Why can’t he _go?_

“Do you remember making your witness statement, after prof- after?”

“Callaghan. Professor Callaghan.” She didn’t usually toe around his name; why start now. Hiro leans forwards, hands fisting at his sides. “I remember; what about it?”

“Legally, you’d need permission from the defence to- you’re a witness.” She sighs, shoulders drawing up in a small reserve of strength. “I’ve been waiting to hear back for a few days now…but no. Their answer was no.”

He can’t

He can’t go to the committal hearing for his own brother’s—because the defence said no…?

Because Callaghan said no.

“Hiro…” He inhales sharply, just to get something into his lungs. Unbelievable; no, this is so _beyond_ unbelievable that it’s insane. Why would he do that?

Why would he do that?

“I know you’re upset but I was thinking, maybe we could both take the day off, huh? Your friends are; I had to call them too, sweetie. They’re in the same boat.” A hand fists in his hair; when did he raise it? Aunt Cass is right in front of him but Hiro just can’t see her; it’s just the words, over and over again in his head.

You can’t go.

It’s not smart. It’s not an action he thinks over, or something he does with any real concept of what he’s doing. Hiro stares at Aunt Cass for the longest time as her lips move, telling him things he doesn’t hear, or at the very least can’t take in right now.

And the next thing he knows, he’s bolted.

 

* * *

 

 

Hiro runs. He runs down crowded streets and across busy roads; through arcades and laneways in some haphazard route with absolutely no destination. He runs until there’s a stitch digging into his side, until his heart burns.

And he keeps running after that. Until his legs are jelly, and his knees hit the ground without his say so. Until he throws back his head and _screams._

How? _How_ , he wants to ask. How?

There’s absolutely no answer there. His noise of distress cuts through the silence just the once, sharp and piercing, and when it fades away there’s still no answer there, but there is irony.

Somehow, in some stupid, nonsensical manner, his feet had deemed it fitting to guide him right to the warehouse; the very same one his microbots had been manufactured in.

A laugh bubbles up from his throat, utterly disbelieving. Because it’s ridiculous; because it’s way too corny. It reads like a bad soap opera.

But that’s life.

Eventually, he gets back on his feet. The building had been raided at some point, if he’s remembering it rightly. Swept through by the police, locked up again. The broken windows are boarded up, but the fully intact ones gleam in the sunlight, almost mockingly.

Hiro pegs a stone into the closest one, and it doesn’t even have the decency to shatter on the first go. It just rattles loudly in its frame after the rock collides with a sharp clang, dropping back to the ground. So he does it again. And again.

Sometimes his throws are so completely off he can’t even find rock he was using, but there’s plenty of things around to improvise with. A small, fractured piece of cement. A bit of piping. He finds a stray half of a brick, and that makes its way right through, glass shattering under the impact like they’d never been one, individual piece in the first place. Bricks. Bricks are good.

He manages to make a small pile, hefting one up and taking aim with deliberate slowness. Robert Callaghan.

He hits the glass dead on, and once again it shatters.

Robert Callaghan.

The next is no less effective than the first two.

Robert. Fucking. Callaghan.

He’s a monster. Hiro had _pitied him;_ he’d thought (he’d hoped) that he’d understood. What it was like to lose someone, how far you’d go to get them back. But even after saving Abigail, the man had turned around and barred him from _everything._

And the law! The law just let him do it!

“Fuck you!” He shouts it up at the empty building; a raggedy teen with dirt all over his jeans and hands, and tear tracks down his cheeks. “ _Fuck you!_ ”

There’s only one window left; which is fine, because it’s the one up highest, and it takes several aims to actually strike. The angle changes the way the glass falls, and most of it comes down the outside of the building; thousands of shimmering pieces, falling to the concrete.

It looks like he feels right now. Utterly shattered, and falling to the ground.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Two hours later, Baymax picks him up, and carries him all the way home. Hiro’s too exhausted to care. After giving Aunt Cass a few minutes to gently fuss, he makes his way up to his room, collapsing on his bed. He’s careful about the way he curls up; on his side, facing his desk. He can’t look behind him right now—he’s done with what he knows and he doesn’t need to see it.

Hiro sleeps for eight hours. When he wakes up, he stares at the ceiling, until he falls right back asleep again.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s been a long time since he’s ignored any of Honey’s calls, but for the next two days, he doesn’t respond to anyone.

 

* * *

 

 

What does get him out of his room is…surprisingly not anything to do with him. It’s all Baymax. Even robots must get tired of having their offers of assistance denied over and over again, which ultimately leads the plush nurse to the most extreme of actions; like flying in front of Hiro’s window until he finishes scrambling for his armour and gets him away from the house. “Aunt Cass has ears, you know! She can hear _jet packs_!”

“You are my patient. I would like to help.”

“Come on Baymax…” Flying really can’t fix everything. They used that trick; it’s been done.

Although, it’s not the joyride he expected. Baymax sticks to a steady course, destination in mind. As they start to pass over familiar landscapes, it suddenly occurs to him that—Tadashi probably has no idea where he’s been.

For two whole days.

“—Go faster!”

How did you just _forget_ about a portal to another universe?! The moment he’s on the ground, Hiro runs into the warehouse, flicking the air conditioning on, frantically setting things up at lightning speed. It’s late; but is it too late? Would Tadashi still have the portal on at this time, or had he given up altogether?

God. _God,_ what if he thought he’d scared Hiro off? What if he thought that Hiro wasn’t mature enough to deal with this, or that somehow this had brought in to some sudden, horrific revelation? Like the fact that he’s dead—in Tadashi’s world, Hiro _gets_ that. His brother wouldn’t be looking for him if he didn’t have the exact same reasons, the same need, the same push to do something unbelievably stupid. There’s only one reason Tadashi would be looking for him.

Because he’d lost him already.

“You better not have given up on me.” Hiro mutters furiously; angry at himself, angry at the world. Never at Tadashi. “You swore you wouldn’t; don’t you _dare_ have given up on me.”

The portal sparks up, and Hiro races over to it, dropping down beside the computer monitor just as the image of Tadashi tears into life, ruffled and shabby and distinctly relieved at the sight of him. His presence—doesn’t lift the weight off his chest. If anything it gets heavier, making Hiro’s breath hitch, shoulders hunching as his brother raises a hand and waves it, gesturing Hiro’s attention to the monitor on the other side.

**It’s okay. You’re okay.**

“No, it’s not.” It’s not. It’s really, really not. Swallowing his eyes blur, mumbling just to himself, because Tadashi can’t hear it.

Tadashi can’t hear it, and it makes him feel all the more…unbearably alone.

“It’s not okay. I’m not okay. I’m not.” The tears spill over, then. Tears that have him wrapping his arms around himself in a tight hug, rocking forwards with the weight of it all. Agonised tears of grief and loss so sharp that he grits his teeth just to stop his head from feeling like it’s going to explode, a sick joke of a grin on his face.

Nothing about this has been okay. It wasn’t two years ago, and somehow, it just—isn’t now, either. What happened to time, what happened to healing? Because the distance is there, that sense of passing, of longevity—but the healing seems to have gotten lost somewhere along the way. Two years without a word. Two years without his hair being ruffled, or being swept off his feet into a bear hug.

Two years and he can’t remember what Tadashi smells like anymore, or how he sounded in certain memories. He keeps _losing him_ more and more every day; Hiro can’t take that. He can’t stand it.

If his brother was the victim, then how can the world be treating him like he’s the criminal? Nothing makes sense right now. Not legalities, not his frame of mind, not this. Whatever it is they’re doing, whatever it is they’re pulling out of nothing.

Baymax is there. His silent protector. Hiro gets the sense of being watched from him, a slight tingling in his neck where he imagines his optics are trained on his patient; but he doesn’t _get that_ from Tadashi. He’s so far away.

 **I cant do it** Calmer, but not calm, he rubs at his eyes and tries to type before things blur again. Just to say it. Just to get it out. **I really tried but I need you. Please.**

 **Okay, Hiro.** Tadashi’s response is quick; he’s hurting, face tight and pale, not quite meeting his eyes as he types out what he wants to say. Hiro wonders if that’s because he can’t….do much else, right now. Except type.

Even thinking it hurts.

 **It’s okay. We’re going to get through this. I’m not giving up on you, remember? So we keep working. We make this work.** When Tadashi finally does look to him, his expression is set. Almost stony in his determination. **I’m going to come get you.**

Rubbing at his eyes, Hiro sniffs a few times, swallowing just to ease his dry throat. Now that he isn’t crying, he feels a little…empty. A little gross. A little numb. But Tadashi is there, making a plan, giving him a decision. It’s so easy just to type back and let him be the strong one now; let him take the lead because far out, he’s not that great a leader anyway, who decided that?

 **Yeah, okay.** His teeth worry his lower lip for a moment, struggling to formulate anything to type. Surely he’s got more to say than that. **I’d like that.**

A small, affectionate smile.

**I know. So would I. So…let’s make it happen. What do you think we should start with?**

Tadashi gently eases the reigns of the conversation back to him, and Hiro finds it helps him breathe just a little easier, sit up a little straighter. Now that his head is clearer, he feels… well it’s not better. But he can direct it; he can make something good of this.

He’ll get the smell. The hair ruffles. The bear hug.

That’s what he’s going to do. If there’s nothing else he can achieve, that’s what Hiro was going to do.

**I have a few ideas.**


	5. In Which Time Passes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this chapter with absolutely nothing but dialogue. That’s all it was going to be. Dialogue. A montage of sorts, so that I could get through a large passage of time really quickly. And guess what? I changed my mind at 2am. So here I am at 5, uploading.
> 
> It will never happen again, I promise. Good freaking lord.
> 
> A HUGE THANK YOU to my own Tadashi, Caitybutt, who was kind enough to text out some of these scenes with me; particularly the really happy and really sad ones. She makes my life so much easier, even if she’s complete meme trash. And to 10kkun, who jumped into action when I wanted a reader to check over it and make sure it would make sense to you guys. Her input was the confirmation I needed to confirm that this chapter was legitimately dissatisfying, and why that was.
> 
> Thank you as always for all of your lovely support, and see the bottom of the chapter for fanart!

 

* * *

 

**This life is for loving, sharing, learning, smiling, caring, forgiving, laughing, hugging, helping, dancing, wondering, healing, and even more loving. I choose to live life this way.**

**-Steve Maraboli**

* * *

 

 

((Forewarning: it’s 6am here. Due to a major rewrite, this hasn’t been properly beta’d. Sorry!))

 

March 28th, Hiro’s Time Stream

**_Hey buddy. You wanna stop moving and look me in the eyes for a second? Let me know if you’re okay or not. Either answer is fine. Just talk to me._ **

He notices the message after some eccentric waving on his part, utterly distracted by the work ahead of them. Last night he’d wasted time. Hiro had wasted three days sulking, and now that they’d agreed upon getting to each other, there wasn’t any more time to waste. Not even on typing.

It’s been a very quiet night for the two of them, and yet, frustratingly, it doesn’t really feel like anything’s been done. He’s no closer to figuring out how the portal is even functioning as much as it _is_ , never mind forcing it to do more. It just wasn’t made for this.

There’s no instructional manual on how to force that change, but he’d get there. He’d get there if it killed him.

 **I’m fine.** Hiro manages to type that much, at least; there’s a crease in Tadashi’s brow and a frown that pulls down his lips which the teen just can’t bring himself to ignore, tapping his fingers against the edge of the keyboard as his brother types a response. His expression hasn’t eased, which means there’s more he wants to say.

**_Okay. Any reason you look like you haven’t slept since last night, then?_ **

Hiro can’t help it. He snorts. **Because I haven’t. Can we just get this done?**

Because simply working on…making sure the portal is running isn’t what he wants to be doing. It has to be done; they should be doing it more than twice a week, and neither of them can be sure that leaving his just—sitting here for two days hadn’t caused problems. Be safe, not Krei.

Frustrating. So frustrating. Hiro runs a hand through his hair as he throws down a screwdriver, closing his eyes for a moment. He’s tired… Baymax wasn’t going to let him work much longer than this.

And Tadashi is—right where he left him. Sitting by the portal, expectant. He’s just trying to look out for him, but Hiro’s just…well, really.

What can be said about the past few days that hasn’t already been said?

 **Sorry.** He is and he isn’t; sorry for worrying Tadashi, not sorry for his actions. He just wants to make things _work._ **I’m not doing that well today, but—I just want to work on this. Can we please keep working?**

The next time they type to each other, it’s to say goodbye.

* * *

March 29th, H.T.S

How you feeling today? Get any sleep?

 **Yeah, a little. Baymax wouldn’t bring me unless I had.** And he’d missed classes again, too. At this rate, he might as well miss the whole week, rather than worry himself over whatever lecture he was supposed to go to, containing whatever facts they wanted to teach that _he already knew._

He was better off at home, getting the amount of sleep that Baymax required of him.

 ** _Oh, haha. Yeah, I forgot he used to do that._** Tadashi’s wistful expression is enough to give Hiro pause; he’d forgotten, in all the…excitement of the past few days, exactly what their conversation had been about, a few nights ago. Tadashi and Baymax… it was difficult to comprehend.

**Right…you haven’t worked on him in two years.**

**_No, I haven’t._** Tadashi stops there, lips pursing into a thin line before he continues writing. Every now and again, he deletes a word; deletes his entire sentence, until he gets out what he wants to. The result makes Hiro’s heart twist.

**_The thing was, at the end of the day making Baymax didn’t help much when it came to protecting what mattered most; I couldn’t find it in me to keep going with him. Life’s funny like that._ **

He couldn’t continue him after Hiro had died; the Hiro in his world. It wasn’t the first time they’d breached the topic, but it was the first, real insight he had into how much it had affected Tadashi. How his brother had reacted.

How he must have felt, trying to continue his work on a robot that may have been able to save him. Save them both.

 **Tadashi, I’m sorry.** Promptly, Tadashi shakes his head.

**_Hey, it’s okay. Thing is, I never expected to get to tell you that. And now I have. That’s.._ **

**…Not something you ever—** Hiro pauses, trying to find the words. The cursor blinks at him demandingly, reminding him that he doesn’t really have all the time in the world to think about what to say. **You mean it felt good to share..?**

 ** _Exactly._** Tadashi grins at him as Hiro sits back, thinking about it. That night they’d gone to the labs, instead of the bot fight; he’d known then what his brother was doing. It was all too telling in his expression, the triumphant curl of his lips that said ‘I win’, just as much as his silence had. Tadashi wasn’t against providing examples of something to help change Hiro’s mind; in fact, he utilised it often, a tool in his back pocket for the rainiest of days.

He could convince Hiro of anything, when he did things like that. Like this. To change the direction his life was going in—or just to slow down and talk about whatever he needed to. Let himself feel things, instead of throwing himself into his work.

**…Thanks, Tadashi.**

**_No problem. Like I said, you can tell me anything._ **

**Same for you.** Another smile; wider and much more genuine as his brother shakes his head.

**_I never had any doubts that I couldn’t._ **

* * *

 

 

March 30th, H.T.S

It strikes him in the middle of class that morning. Unwarranted and completely off topic from what he’s actually learning, Hiro goes from attempting to fall asleep on his desk to bolting upright, not even bothering to grab his things before he’s rushing out the door.

He’s an idiot. An indisputably, verified knucklehead. They’ve been playing around with quantum theory this _entire time._

How had he missed this?

 **Copenhagen Interpretation.** Tadashi, to his credit, tries not to look too surprised at Hiro’s greeting words. Tries.

**_Come again?_ **

**Copenhagen. We’ve been looking at it all wrong. Our universes aren’t parallel. They’re working in waves.** He watches in satisfaction as the words are digested; as comprehension slowly crosses Tadashi’s features, sitting back with a look of disbelief as he mouths the words.

Then he’s leaning forwards, fingers flying across the keyboard.

 ** _So… the times we can get the portals working directly relates to when the crest of said waves are overlapping. The portals only function optimally for two hours because, theoretically, that’s the duration of the crests._** He nods vigorously, grin spreading across his face, because this means—

It means that they’ve been doing the right things all along. They’re not making mistakes, they’re _missing things._

**There’s nothing wrong with the actual connection.**

**_Poor timing doesn’t explain what’s preventing safe matter transference though. Any ideas?_ **

**Targeting.** One word; plain and simple. Tadashi leans in again, watching the monitor intently as Hiro embellishes on the theory, forgoing punctuation just to get it across faster. **we need to focus the portals more; doppler systems. something precise, something we can modify as we go. the cohesion between the portals need to be exact. if we can get that right, then we’ll get light. and**

His brother types out the conclusion before he can even finish the sentence, leaving Hiro to stare at the words with an air of elation that makes it feel like he’s gotten a balloon trapped in his chest.

**_If we get light, we’ll get sound._ **

**Exactly.** He knows exactly what to do now. Hell; Hiro could do it all himself, as well; if he went outside right now, to the large oak tree about fifty feet to the left of the warehouse, and dug down between its roots, he could pull up the safe containing the very last microbots he’ll ever make, the neurotransmitter carefully coded to respond to his DNA only.

He could do it; but they’re a team. The elation Tadashi is feeling is so clearly visible that Hiro just wants to bask in it, wait and see what he has to say next.

**_What’s our next step here, Hiro?_ **

**You think up some coding, I work on the structure?**

**_You got it boss._** Hiro grins broadly as Tadashi gives him a thumbs up. They had it.

They’ve got this. Finally.

* * *

 

 

April 8th, H.T.S

**_Hey Hiro, Wanna play a game?_** He’s immediately suspicious. Tadashi sits there innocently—too innocently, smile benign and unassuming, and that’s how he knows this is going to be trouble.

**Depends….what kind?**

**_A game of espionage and intrigue!_** Hiro raises a brow, and through the portal, he can see him laughing to himself. **_More commonly known as ‘eye spy’_**

…Really, Tadashi?

There’s a pretty good chance that the last time they’d played this game was back when he was nine; they’d gone to…some beach or another, some theme park (in which most of the day had been spoiled by the fact that he wasn’t tall enough for most of the roller-coasters). Having finished the miniature robot kits Aunt Cass had bought them both to stave off the impending boredom, it had fallen on their young shoulders to come up with as many ways possible to keep at least slightly sane.

If he remembered rightly, the game of eye spy had lasted no longer than five minutes. Possibly because every single turn, his amazing eye had spied a cow.

 **Could you be any more of a nerd?** Tadashi pouts at him, lower lip sticking out in and overly ridiculous fashion, and Hiro caves to it with only the mildest of grumblings. Fine.

**Okay, I’ll bite. I’m calling on rule number 143; you picked it, you start.**

**_Knew you couldn’t resist. I spy, with my little eye….something beginning with d._ **

Okay. He gives him a moment, just to make sure he’s actually serious. Apparently, he is.

**Oh yeah, the internet would love that one. Debris.**

**_Oh ha ha. And nope, try again._ **

Huh… Taking a brief glance about, it’s not hard to locate the nearest scientific equipment on hand that actually starts with that letter. **Dynamometer?**

**_Not even close, honestly._ **

**Damn. Dirt? Door?**

**_Colder and colder._** Only Tadashi would look this smug about one upping him with a children’s game. ** _Give up?_**

 **No way! I think I’ve got it.** Hiro glances beside him. Baymax is doing the usual; recording copious amounts of information for his patient to collate and go over at a later time. If he’s really honest with himself, the information they’re collecting tonight is probably going to put him way behind, at least on that front.

No one likes paperwork.

**Defibrillator (which, just so you know? Not the best equipment for a robot that doesn’t understand informal expressions)**

**_Oho, nice guess! And yet, still nowhere near correct._** Tadashi looks over to Baymax in amusement. **_Point taken, though_**

**I give…please don’t tell me that you want the d or else we’re not talking anymore**

That makes Tadashi pause, opening his mouth—and stubbornly closing it again, lips twitching as he fights back against the urge to laugh.

**_….I don’t want to know what sort of websites you’ve been on. Dork. I spy a dork._ **

**Wow. Amazing.** If text could have a tone, it would be flatter than flat. Two could play at this game, Tadashi Hamada. **But it’s my turn now. I spy with my AWESOME eye**

**Something beginning with n.**

He gets the laugh he wanted, watching his brother lose it for a good minute, at least, wiping at his eyes with one hand and typing a response with the other.

**_….This is difficult. This is possibly THE most difficult game of eye spy I have ever played in my life._ **

**_Give me a minute to think here. Maybe two._ **

The answer is NMR spectrometer. Because unlike some people, _he_ doesn’t have to use a game to tell his brother he’s a nerd.

He gets plenty of opportunities outside of it, thanks.

****

* * *

 

 

** April 22nd, H.T.S **

**Hey Tadashi; I’ve been wondering… If Callaghan was caught by the police, then what happened to Abigail?**

**_Abigail? His daughter?_** A frown. He can see Tadashi trying to work it out; why he’d ask such a question. It gives Hiro his answer before Tadashi even moves to respond.

 ** _Hiro, Abigail died years ago. That’s the whole reason he started all of this, apparently._** His brother looks up at him, eyes intent on his expression. He knows something’s off. **_Why? Something different happen over there?_**

**Not really, no. It just kind of popped into my head.**

**_If you’re sure._ **

He’s sure. Just because she hadn’t been saved yet didn’t mean that she wouldn’t be. Hiro would work on that.

* * *

 

 

May 19th, H.T.S

**_Alright, I think that’s a wrap for the night. So, before I forget, any cool plans for this week?_ **

**Cool plans..?** The question takes him entirely off guard, staring at Tadashi like he’s grown a second head. They’ve been working on this for weeks; finals aren’t till the end of June. What sort of plans should he be expecting, here?

His brother gives him an odd look; like the question is a blatantly obvious one.

**_Your birthday is on Wednesday, knucklehead. Don’t tell me the gang hasn’t cooked up something for you; Aunt Cass, too._ **

**Oh.** Right. May 23rd was on Wednesday. He’d be seventeen, then. Guiltily, he thinks of his phone; on his study desk, uncharged since sometime last week—or the week before? He makes up a little white lie; just something that sits right with the probably apparent guilt on his face, but won’t make his brother turn around and tell him to frog march himself back home and socialize.

They’ve been busy. Really busy, and it’s been worth it. There’s not a lot of point to socializing right now. **Right; I guess so? Honey texted me something a few days ago, so that was probably it.**

 ** _A few days ago?_** Tadashi’s critical of that; fuck, right. He’d forgotten about— ** _She hasn’t caught up with you in the labs?_**

He hasn’t been to SFIT this week. Again. Another thing he should get around to; checking his emails to see exactly how many teachers were threatening to fail him if he missed one more class this semester. They wouldn’t; his perfect scores looked far too good for the university, but they _could_ contact Aunt Cass about it.

If anything, Hiro just has to hope they haven’t already done so. **I took a few days off? No big deal, just been up late the last few nights. They get that I’m working on something.**

Tadashi knows as well as they do that it isn’t uncommon for him to get lost in some new creation.

 ** _Hm. Well, make sure to take your birthday off, okay?_** He’s only reluctantly buying it; but a save is a save, and Hiro pretends to cough just so he can cover the sigh of relief with his hand. **_I can wait; so can the portal. We’re already pretty ahead of schedule; no reason to waste your seventeenth birthday on it._**

He groans aloud, petulantly picking at a bit of fluff on his hoody. No…he doesn’t want a day off. They’re getting closer every day they do this; he’s starting to think that it could be any day now. Like the portal is some pregnant mother, ready to give birth to an explosion of light and sound.

Baymax is right; he needs to get more sleep.

**You’ll still show up though, right? I mean, it’s not like I turn 17 every day.**

**_I’ll be here._** Tadashi holds up a hand sternly, wagging his index finger back and forth. **_But I’m not letting you work through it; I’m serious, Hiro. We’ll spend a few hours celebrating- after you’ve spent a few hours with everyone else._**

He is not spending his birthday with everyone else. **So long as you’re here after.**

**_Wouldn’t miss it._ **

* * *

 

 

May 23rd, H.T.S

**_Happy Birthday! How’d your day go?_ **

**It was** Busier than he expected. Catching up on a few weeks’ worth of emails, typing up an essay that was apparently due tomorrow and sending it through. Phoning Honey for a long lecture about getting lost in his ideas and _would it hurt him to leave his phone plugged in, are you okay, Hiro?_

He felt guilty. Even though it was last minute, everyone still had the time to take him to the movies. After that, it was back to the café, where he was presented with the biggest marble cake he’d ever seen, and a sizable amount of presents (some of which he’d brought with him; upgraded, new tools that could really help keep his work precise and fast). The café was even…closed early.

He’d felt even guiltier, at that.

In fact, Hiro would have been here hours ago, had it not been for an impromptu scary movie night with his aunt and his friends. Sitting on the couch he felt…restless. Disconnected. Unable to keep his mind focused on the movie, his gaze had fallen on each of them in turn, contemplative.

It was hard living a double life. Hiro had never thought that it could get harder, but it had. There were decisions he had to make, and in the end, he was bound to hurt someone.

He just wished it didn’t have to.

**It was good. I got a ton of cool tools that I can use here; a new phone, too.**

**_That’s great! Problems with your old one?_ **

**Yeah; wasn’t charging properly.**

No, but he was starting to get better and better at lying, as of late.

And as he was sitting on that couch earlier, thinking like he was, another question had sprung to mind. A question based off all the lies and deceit; off the way he was ever so slowly breaking down the person he’d grown into- as he lost a grip on all those things Hiro had thought were the defining parts of him; not just being Hiro, but being a hero. Growing. Putting effort into his life. Achieving things he knew Tadashi would be proud of him for.

Was this all worth it?

**Hey Tadashi?**

**What’s up?**

**Nothing much, just uh** His fingers falter, and Hiro bites his lip, feeling somewhat…moronic. He’d typed without thinking; looking for that reassurance that yes, this was all worth it. He could rebuild himself at the end and it would still be all worth it because—

**It looks so stupid when I write it down just, don’t judge me, alright?**

Fucking hell.

**I love you.**

Tadashi’s reply is practically instantaneous.

**Are you okay?**

**YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO SAY IT BACK!!!!!!!** _Fucking HELL!_ Hiro shoves the keyboard away, more than aware that his cheeks are probably bright red—growling to himself as he snatches it right back, fingers jamming down against the keys. **I’m fine! You suck, it’s MY birthday okay you’re supposed to do whatev**

 **Hey, hey hey! Stop writing angrily for a second!** Tadashi, the total _moron,_ is laughing at him. Hiro’s about ready to see just how much he laughs when he gets up and _walks right out of this conversation_ when his features soften into something much more fond, typing five, simple words that are the exact ones he needs to see right now.

**I love you too. Knucklehead.**

It’s worth it. It hurts; it’s going to hurt so many people.

But it’s worth it.

 

* * *

 

 

 

**YAY FOR FANART:**

**Minilisko came through again with this absolutely[heart wrenching piece](http://i57.tinypic.com/5zfmud.jpg) (which ironically coincides with some unused material in which the boys did cry a lot and talk about how much they missed each other)**

**And here we see her reacting to the fact that I am[the shittiest author ever](http://i61.tinypic.com/24g7rq0.jpg) and love causing these poor children pain**

**MINOR UPDATE ON NEXT CHAPTER:**

Just a quick note to let you guys know; I’ve mentioned this on tumblr, but this Tuesday is a very important, very difficult day for me. As it is, it’s been a hard weekend for me and my family, and very likely, you won’t see a new chapter from me this week. I’m sorry to keep you all waiting.

As a side note, you can come say hi and watch me fail at trying to be a responsible adult right on this [handy dandy tumblr](http://lockandkeyblade.tumblr.com/)


	6. Hear You Me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO WE’RE OFFICIALLY MIDWAY THROUGH THIS STORY; HUZZAH
> 
> Okay okay so I can’t even lie here; you’re probably all going to hate me. Like, a lot.
> 
> At first, at least. You’re going to hate me a lot and then you’re going to love everything. Suddenly, the clouds will part and the sun will come out and everything will be alright with the world. This chapter is so feelsy in such polar opposite ways and I hope, by the end of the chapter, you feel good. Cause this is definitely as close to a feel good chapter as this fanfic gets. Also I promised not to stay up till 6am to write this chapter and I didn't!
> 
> It's 7:30am.
> 
> As always, thank you for your wonderful support! <3

* * *

 (WARNING: MOSTLY UN-BETA'D; because my beta burst into tears whilst reading.)

 

**“Sounds are three-dimensional, just like images. They come at you from every direction.”**

**― Katie Kacvinsky**

* * *

 

 

They’ve been sitting on this rooftop for hours. In the years that Hiro’s had to improve their suits, mobility and comfort have been key; but that doesn’t mean any of them are _trained_ in how to comfortably sit still for such a long time. They can’t stand up, either. Every shift he makes gets a nervous, then irritated look, seeing as Hiro hasn’t been able to sit still for five minutes since this started. He’s fairly sure that if he doesn’t stop bouncing his knee, GoGo is going to knock him out.

He’d been feeling guilty for missing so many calls, lately. Hiro didn’t have any excuses about his phone, either. They’d bought him a new one for his birthday, completely nullifying any weak lies that his phone battery had been playing up on him. So when Honey’s name had flashed on the screen, he’d picked up. They had a mission tonight; catching a few bad eggs out with shipment of a few things that definitely shouldn’t be in their city. It’s an important job…

But they’ve been sitting here for _three hours._ And twenty-three minutes; he’s been counting. By the minute, since this is almost chewing into his time with Tadashi. Is chewing into their time together; if he got on Baymax now and raced away, he’d still be a few minutes late.

Hiro’s not sure what’s worse. Wanting to leave because, to be fair, he’s got more important things to do than sit here staring at a warehouse all night, or losing out on precious time. What part is aggravating him more..?

“Look, look! There they are!” Fred hisses, nudging him in the side. Hiro grunts, peeking over the top of the roof as a car turns the corner, crawling towards their location in the _slowest_ fashion possible. Hiro can’t help wishing he wasn’t with Fred, who’s taking absolutely every opportunity to nudge him in the ribs now that the party has officially started.

“Okay, so what’s the plan here?” Wasabi’s voice crackles in over the speakers built into Hiro’s helmet—he and Honey are a different building, getting a look at things from a different angle. They were the lucky ones; gaining a reprieve

“We should wait.” GoGo says calmly. “Make sure no one else is coming; catch them on their way out.”

“I’m with GoGo, on this one.” Honey supplies quietly. “Me and Wasabi can start moving once they’re inside, start the perimeter. Sound good, Hiro?”

They didn’t need him here. They really didn’t. Nuclear weapons or a simple drug bust, these were normal, everyday mafia sorts. Their weapons weren’t even going to scratch the armour he’d made, and even if there were several people in that car, his four teammates were more than a match. Just throw a few of Honey’s chemistry balls down there, and they were done.

“Hiro?”

Five men step out of the vehicle. Gritting his teeth, Hiro watches as they walk towards the warehouse doors, chatting amicably between themselves. Not even bothering to look around.

 

“You alright there, fearless leader?”

Rolling his eyes, Hiro reaches over to Baymax, locking in the magnet on the palm of his hand. Fly down, tie them up, and let the authorities deal with it. Could they just make this straightforward, for once?

“I don’t have time for this. Baymax, wings.”

“ _Hiro!_ ”

His arm is almost ripped out of his socket when Baymax takes off. Swinging haphazardly into place, they jettison down to the ground, where yells of alarm are quick to break out. Snatching up the first one is simple enough; Baymax throws him up in the air; an easy target for Honey to catch.

The rest pull out their guns, and fire.

 

* * *

 

 

“What the hell was that all about, Hamada!?”

A door slams; or he thinks it must be a door. If it is, consider Hiro impressed; there’s not many doors to slam in Fred’s room. But that’s GoGo for you. If she wants to be furious, everyone was going to know about it.

Tough luck for her. Hiro slams his helmet down on the table, running a hand through sweaty hair and snatching up one of the bottles of water that Heathcliff must have left out for them. It’s blissfully cool, running down his throat; something to focus on, something to quell his anger.

He must have underestimated exactly how angry GoGo was, because her hand yanks at his shoulder, spinning him round. Hiro might be a few inches taller than her, now, but nonetheless, her fury reaches amazing heights.

“ _Don’t_ ignore me. You going to share with the class exactly _what_ you were doing tonight? Huh?”

“Catching the bad guys, wasn’t it obvious?” He snaps back, not in the mood to play around. The rest of the group is decidedly staying out of it, attending to their own needs first. Taking off their armour to store away in Fred’s room sized vault, snatching up a drink of their own…checking to ensure their comic book collection has suffered no casualties whilst they were gone.

If their movements weren’t so stuff, this could almost be considered natural.

“No, Hiro, it wasn’t obvious. In fact, all it really looked like you were doing was trying to get killed!” GoGo throws her arms up in disgust, turning away—abruptly turning back around. “You remember the last time you just rushed into something? Because I do. You were in hospital for a week. That was _live ammo,_ you moron! They could’ve had accomplices, one of them could’ve gotten away. One of them could’ve gotten a lucky shot.”

Hiro snorts at the last, entirely too sceptical. The dirty look he gets in turn tells him just how much that’s appreciated.

“Armour isn’t impenetrable, not even yours.”

“Jacketed lead isn’t about to puncture through carbon fibre, not when it’s coming out of an M1911.”

“Not the point!” The smaller woman goes quiet, stewing internally as Honey approaches—nervous, that much is clear. Hiro and GoGo were the most hot-headed of the group; if he was being fair, Hiro admired her bravery.

“Hiro…GoGo’s just worried about you. We all are.” He looks to her, watching the way her eyes dart to everyone else in the room, nodding with a growing confidence. Whatever she’s about to say, the blonde knows she’s going to be backed up on.

“Since the committal hearing you’ve…really withdrawn. From everything. First it was just a few days, but then it was weeks, and—we’ve had teachers coming to us, you know? Asking where you were, telling us to let you know that if you didn’t get in contact with them, they’d have to fail you out of the course. And then…”

“And then last week, I asked professor Mahoney if she’d heard from you yet.” Fred pipes up. He looks slightly uncomfortable; the serious air isn’t his thing, at all. “She was totally surprised. Said you’d spoken to all your teachers, started working from home last week because of all the family stuff going on, you know.”

“But Cass said it’s been quiet on the legal front; nothing’s been said to her for the last month.” And then it’s Wasabi’s turn. What is this, a group counselling session? “She also said she hasn’t seen you around much lately—you gotta admit, it’s not adding up.”

“We’re not mad, Hiro.” Honey reaches out to him, expression earnest. “We just—want to help however we can. If things aren’t okay, you can tell us. We’re you’re friends.”

He steps back, away from her outstretched hands. Stomach twisting with nerves, he doesn’t so much focus on what they’ve said, as much as what they’ve implied.

They’re getting suspicious of him.

“So I’ve been working on a few things; it’s not that big a deal.” His tone is sharp, defensive. “If I want to keep them to myself, then that’s _my_ choice.”

Tadashi and he had made a rule about it, once. Number 457.

Hamada Brothers only show their work to the outside world when it’s ready. And the portal would never be ready for this world.

“You know what? Fine. You take that road; we’ll take ours.” GoGo cuts in, clearly at the edge of her rope. “But I’m not following a leader who’s too distracted to care about who could get hurt. Actually; I’m not _working_ with anyone who doesn’t have it in them to take care of themselves. Until he can prove otherwise, I vote Hiro out of the team.”

She looks about the room, expression set.

“Everyone in favour of that?”

They are. It’s so obvious; they’re all in agreement, but Honey, Wasabi and Fred have a little more tact. They don’t want to upset him further. They don’t want to be the first one to concur.

“Just stop. Let me save you all the trouble.” Hiro holds up a hand, resisting the urge to tug on his hair in frustration. “I vote myself out. And I’m taking Baymax with me.”

“Hiro—”

“We didn’t mean it like—”

“Save it.” He collects his helmet, staring around the room, meeting their gazes dead on. The only one who seems to be capable of looking him in the eyes is GoGo. “I have better things to be doing right now than listen to this. You wasted my time; with something that could’ve been tipped off to the cops, dealt with that way. Alright, fine. I’ll make up for it. But you know what?”

His eyes narrow, free hand fisting at his side.

“You can’t kick me out of something _I created._ Let’s go, Baymax.”

The phone he was given for his birthday is slapped down onto the table, and not a soul makes an effort to stop them as they leave.

 

* * *

 

 

Paranoia has him and Baymax catching a tram into the city outskirts. It’s late enough at night that there’s not many people around to give them odd looks, and those that do aren’t willing to ask questions. Were it earlier, if there were more passengers trying to head out of the city, then someone probably would have approached him by now. Asked if he was really _that guy_ from that one hero group. His helmet doesn’t obscure that much of his face; but the glass is specially designed to ensure it can’t be captured by any cameras, at least.

He still makes sure to get off the moment someone in the carriage goes to make a call. Tonight has seen too many reckless actions as it is.

“Hiro—”

“I’m _fine._ I just want to get to Tadashi. Wings, Baymax.”

Tomorrow, he needs to work on making his healthcare companion fly faster. Tonight, however? Tonight he’s late enough that he’s already missed the first crest, with an hour to go until the next one. At the very least it means Hiro has to slow down a little; check things properly, get his and Baymax’s armour off (that’s an explanation he doesn’t want to give tonight, and one he doesn’t know how to put into words), but even then, he’s got a good fifteen minutes just to _stew_ before contact can be made.

Voting him off the team. Right.

If he wasn’t so _angry_ , Hiro supposes he’d feel guilty. It’s already June. He has finals in two weeks. An invention to present that hasn’t been worked on in months, and even though he knows it’s more than good enough to present as is, they’ll want proof of what he’s been doing to it since March. Which is absolutely nothing.

The threat of expulsion, of not passing this year because of his attendance, looms heavily in the horizon. How does he explain that to Aunt Cass? How does he explain that to Tadashi? A week of at home study, and he’s made up for most of the work he’s missed in the past two months. Configured his computer to play the podcasts of his lectures at random intervals, just so the university systems mark off that he’s attended, in some form. There’s late essays to hand in; bound to be marked down, but grudgingly accepted due to his circumstances…which aren’t as bad as he made them out to be.

His life is a mess. His life is slowly falling to pieces around him, but it’s _worth it._ It’s worth it, Hiro repeats stubbornly in head head, fingers stabbing at the keyboard and inputting some extra coding that he’s hardly paying attention to. Tadashi’s worth it.

It’s already June. The end of August would mark three years. Three years of—of struggling. Of injustice. Of waiting on a law system that didn’t care, that was on Callaghan’s side. Three years of _wanting_ to let go, to move on, because that’s what Tadashi would have wanted.

Hiro had tried. He’d tried so goddamn hard to do that. Let himself be preoccupied with university, excelling in his studies. Gaining a scholarship, lightening the load on Aunt Cass’ budget. Helping her around the café, hanging out with his friends. He’d tried to live something of a semi-normal life.

But every single time he’d gotten to a point where he could forget things, where it felt like he could look back without any hurt—more updates. On the court case, on how it was progressing. Something in the news that caught him aback. A person who had known Tadashi and never gotten to give their condolences, before now. There was always something.

In the end, he was always brought back here. Back to the portal, back to the foolish hope that, maybe, somehow, it would work for him. That he’d see something on the horizon that didn’t hurt at all—he’d see Tadashi again. He’d achieved that. All on his own, he’d done more in eighteen months than the entire legal system had managed to do. He’d righted a wrong.

Reunited himself with his brother.

Going through the process of thinking it out, justifying his actions….it makes Hiro feel a lot calmer, by the time the portal finally opens. Clearer in mind when he knows his own reasoning is sound. The world took something away from him, and never paid him back. So at the end of the day, he was simply paying himself.

That’s all there was to it.

Tadashi looks relieved to see him there, exhaling slowly, dorky smile spreading across his face. He approaches the portal, shifting to sit himself down. “There you are…”

There you are.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There you are.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“….Tadashi?”

His brother’s head whips upwards so fast, Hiro’s almost certain he’s given himself whiplash. He stares, positively dumbfounded, mouth working over words that don’t quite escape him as he slowly straightens up, as he watches Hiro approach the portal.

“…Hiro?”

“T…” Words fail him. The air in his lungs escapes in a rush, the two of them hung in a suspended moment of disbelief, watching each other. Listening.

He can hear everything. The hum of the machines, a steady beeping noise that’s coming from who knows what. The elder’s breathing, growing more and more ragged within each passing second, a parallel to his own.

“Say it again.” Tadashi requests hoarsely. “Say anything. Anything at all.”

“Tadashi.” They both raise their hands to their heads at the exact, same moment, threading their fingers through thick locks, tugging in disbelief. It steals a laugh out of Hiro; soft, amazed. Tadashi only needs a few more seconds before a grin wider than anything he’s ever seen spreads across his face, whooping out loud, spinning on the spot.

“ _It works!_ Oh my g—it w— _this is amazing! Oh…._ ” His expression melts into something tender, leaning forwards and holding his hand towards the portal, palm out. Hiro mimics him, as if, for a moment, at least, they could literally reach through, and grasp each other’s hands. “Oh buddy, I missed you. I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too.” It’s an automatic response as his own smile grows, gap in his teeth prominent, every hitch of his breath a physical exhibition of the explosion rioting through his body. All the time, all the tears, everything; it’s a balm over his soul, soothing everything away. Everything. “I— _hi._ ”

His laugh is watery, cheeks wet with tears.

“Hi, Tadashi.”

“It’s okay.” He watches Hiro scrub his face on his sleeves with steady affection, voice still a little heavy. Weighted by emotions of his own. “It’s okay to cry; I’m here. You don’t have to hide that.”

“ _I missed you so much_.” He’s sobbing; loudly and unreservedly, and Tadashi stays there all the while. Humming and shushing him gently, getting down on his knees when Hiro does, filling the air between them with nonsensical words and noises.

Hiro doesn’t even try to fight it. He just slumps down where he is, stifling his own aggrieved noises, and lets glorious sound wash over him in constant waves of adoration.

He never wants to leave this.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Please feel free to come bitch me out on [tumblr](http://lockandkeyblade.tumblr.com/) I literally deserve it.


	7. In Which a Decision is Made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter so much, I made a playlist specifically for it. For one chapter. I am such a sap. Of course, this chapter is still going to utterly rip your hearts out, but-- it’s sweet? For a few minutes? It’s the little things that count, really.
> 
> Something odd happened in the previous chapter. I got so many reviews, it added a second page to fit them all in. A second. Page. Honestly you guys just type life into me with every word I read, and I’m so eternally grateful for your support.
> 
> Ps, July 15th is my birthday. Yes, I am literally that much of an asshole.

[ ALL OF THE PLAYLIST RIGHT HURR ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEUrVuP4D_g&list=PLNP9WsuVDXrEGaPisJIPKaTykidAUCczY)

 

* * *

 

**Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice.**

**But for those who love, time is eternity.**

-Henry Van Dyke

 

* * *

 

Time becomes transient. It’s an absent thought for Hiro, something he only vaguely recognises in the passage of every fraction of a moment spent with his brother. Where the only break in the silence is soft voices, and the echo in the empty space about him.

With the barrier of sound broken down, Hiro tells Tadashi everything.

Or rather, he tells him as much as he can. About his life right now, about how lately, it’s been falling apart. There are some things he can’t explain (or doesn’t want to explain yet; his brother doesn’t need the stress of a superhero for a brother, and really….that’s in the past now), but that doesn’t mean he can’t say what he needs to. About school, about his lack of concentration. Of his- their- friend’s concern, of being pushed out of something that he’d started. Of how difficult it was to care about any of it right now, even when anxiety pushes on his shoulders with a constant weight.

The more he says, the better he feels. Because Tadashi listens to every word. Prompts him when he needs it, gives him the ear he needs. Gives him the person he needs; the only person in two worlds who he could tell this to.

Outside of Baymax. And really… it wasn’t something the robot would understand.

“...So I left. I haven’t spoken to them yet, and- I don’t know. I don’t really want to.” Pushing his hair out of his face, Hiro looks keenly at Tadashi’s expression; just for the assurance that no, he’s not ashamed. He’s not angry. Just...there. Like always. “How do you explain this? How- how can they even begin to understand?”

“I get you. This isn’t something you can just bring up in casual conversation.” Tadashi hums, a finger absently drawing circles against his cheek. “It’s rough, buddy...but I agree. If you can’t put it into words, you might just make everyone panic, instead of understand. Although...maybe you should try to talk it out a little. At least tell them how you’ve been feeling.”

“I guess so.” He sighs- then smiles, gap in his teeth prominent as he leans forwards, ready for a change in topic. First night he gets to hear his voice again, and he does all the talking. “But it can wait. Talk to me.”

Tadashi chuckles quietly, amusement and affection clear. “About what?”

“Anything.” His expression softens; Hiro doesn’t need to ask if he understands.

“How about I tell you about my day; sound good?”  Hiro leans in expectantly as Tadashi clears his throat, grinning from ear to ear. The thought occurs to him that, really…. Tadashi doesn’t speak all that much about his life. He knows he works for Krei; knows that Baymax is in his dusty container in their bedroom, but not much else.

“Okay. Well, I have an apartment close to the lab. Krei tech building, nice and secure. Ducked in for a quick shower after cleaning up in here, then it was back to work.There’s something to be said about monitoring a team of scientists who have no idea how this portal is really functioning, it’s…entertaining.” His lips quirk upwards, amused, but Hiro could just imagine the stress of it. Every wrong word, every hint that someone might know more then they should; it had to be pretty killer, always at the forefront of his mind. “I worked from...around seven in the morning till six, then crashed on the couch in my office. Set things up and waited for you.”

It’s casual and blithe; not really describing or explaining things in any real context that would give Hiro much indication of things, but-- that’s a routine day?

How many times has he slept on the couch since they started this?

“And then the darnedest thing happened. You know, I’ve been working on this little-- let’s call it a side project, for the past few months.” He leans forwards, hands waving to accentuate his story. “Can’t say it’s been a slow project, but today? Oh, today… today things took a leap that I’d barely even allowed myself to hope for.”

“Tadashi…” His brother shakes his head, holding a hand up for silence.

“Gotta let me finish the story here, bro. Like I was saying, it took a leap. A big one. And suddenly this whole new world has opened up. I can say things; actually say them. Like…”

A laugh; amused, almost sad.

“I can tell you how much you’ve grown.”

Hiro doesn’t have the words to respond, licking dry lips, hands curling into fists in his lap. Tadashi looks to him earnestly; words tumbling out now that he’s been given the opening for them. God, but he’s already been emotional. They’ve already said these things; already talked about how much they missed each other, how excited they were. This is that and more. This is Tadashi, entirely focused on him.

“I can actually tell you that. Do you know how unbelievable that is? Unbelievable. You wouldn’t think it, but seeing you sitting there; seeing you every night, it’s--” Tadashi leans back, exhaling heavily.

“You’re beautiful, Hiro. So, _so_ beautiful.”

A miracle. That’s what Tadashi’s expression says, gazing at him with a reverence that Hiro will never really feel he deserves, but always wanted to see. He’s so proud, isn’t he? So proud, so eager to see him. Brushing over his daily life as much as Hiro was doing with his own, taking risks that he never thought his older brother was capable of, just for the chance to tell him he’s beautiful.

Hiro’s smile is a little crooked, wiping at his eyes in an almost too casual gesture as he leans back, swallowing the urge to break down again. Unbelievable is right.

“I guess I did grow a little.”

Tadashi laughs outright, at that.

“Tell me about it. What happened, huh? You trade a cow for some magic beans?”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that. So, what’s your apartment like?”

Beautiful.

Basking in the glow of his brother, Hiro….can’t help but feel it. Tadashi never takes his eyes off him, and Hiro doesn’t stop feeling beautiful. Not for a second.

 

* * *

 

He’s still glowing when he gets home. They land behind the garage, taking the side door to sneak inside, just in case someone happens to be awake at four am. Hiro packs their armor away in a daze, still smiling. Tadashi.

If he’s honest with himself, deep down there’s still a part of him that’s- afraid. Of what’s still left to say; of what Tadashi doesn’t know. It was simple to brush away the trials of an everyday life; not that much of a stretch to forgive his lack of attention to his- their friends, since Tadashi hasn’t even mentioned the ones in his world. They’re in the same boat, then.

And the things they aren’t in the same boat about? What about them? What about the things that Hiro’s done since his brother’s death?

What about the things he intends to do?

Those thoughts play across his mind; but the usual migraine that accompanies them is gone. They’re faint concerns in the face of Tadashi’s show of support, in his undying affections. Even as he sets Baymax’s bulky chest-plate into the closet, he feels like he could fly, all by himself. A feeling that wasn’t likely to budge over the next few days, Hiro imagined.

“C’mon Baymax; let’s get to bed.” Flicking the lights up, he pulls the garage door up, almost leaping out of his skin when a figure looms up right in front of him.

“Hiro Hamada?”

“Holy-” He loses his grip, roller door falling back down with a loud crash. Damn it; he was hoping not to wake Aunt Cass. Sure she sleeps like the dead, but if anything would wake her, that would probably do it. Squinting up at his unwanted visitor, there’s really not much to see. Just a lady in a long, black coat, giving him her most winning smile.

He’s not that impressed.

“Uh, yes? Not to be rude, ma’am, but it’s a bit early.” 4am early. Who would possibly come looking for him at this ho-

No.

“Rita Sleets; San ‘Sokyo Informer.” Oh yes. All of those happy, floaty little feelings drop into his stomach like lead. “I realise it’s early, mister Hamada, but I was hoping to get a comment on-”

“No comment. On anything, ever.” He cuts in abruptly, glancing at Baymax and jerking his head, telling him silently to go inside. Rita watches on, dark eyes alight with the usual unasked questions. The usual...eerie familiarity with the various aspects of his life. “Miss Sleets, you’ve wasted your time. The media outlets already know to contact our solicitor, so if you’ll excuse me.”

He follows Baymax, gritting his teeth at the clack of heels on the asphalt behind him. They never quit, did they? There hasn’t been anything to report on since the committal hearing; what could they possibly want now?

“Like I said before, mister Hamada; I realise it’s late, but I would imagine you have something to say about the announcement of Callaghan’s trial. Is it relieving, to know that things are progressing? Are you hoping for…”

Her voice becomes white noise, fading out into the background. Hiro stops in front of the cafe door, hand on the handle, but he makes no attempt to open it. His trial. Callaghan’s trial- it hadn’t been announced yet, had it?

Unless it was tonight. Unless he missed it, off with the team, leaving his phone behind at Fred’s. He could imagine the amount of calls and texts he must have received; and Baymax wasn’t a mobile phone or email service. He contacted out, he didn’t receive.

Either she’s lying for the reaction, or he missed it. It was sickeningly possible that he’d done just that.

Why hadn’t Tadashi warned him?

“Excuse me?” He blurts it out without thinking, mentally kicking himself for the mistake. “Look- sorry, it is really late- early. I don’t have anything to say, so call our solicitor and get a statement from him.”

If she opens her mouth to respond, he doesn’t hear it. In fact, Hiro takes great pleasure in shutting the door on her face, flicking the ‘CLOSED’ sign pointedly.

His legs shake with every step up the stairs.

Trial.

Trial.

 

Trial.

 

 

What was the proper charge, again? It was something like aggravated arson. Arson causing death. Section 197A of the Crimes Act; how is it that he remembers the section of legislation, right down to the paragraph, but not the proper title? Gripping the railing tightly, Hiro stumbles, head spinning.

Trial date. Okay.

Okay. It’s not like he didn’t know this was coming. But after a night like tonight, it was a punch in the gut that he wasn’t prepared for. Sucking in a deep breath, Hiro makes sure to exhale slowly; a technique that Baymax had repeated for him more than enough times for him to remember the action.

Baymax. Was he in their room, already? Probably; already in his docking station, maybe. Like the other Baymax. The dusty, lonely shell in Tadashi’s world.

His brother would have warned him if he knew. Which meant that he probably didn’t, either. Due to a difference in the way things were progressing in their worlds, or the same lack of attention as him, Hiro couldn’t even begin to guess. He wasn’t even considering the options, swallowing roughly against the wave of nausea that comes with the realisation that he’d likely be too late to give him a warning, if Tadashi even needed one.

“Fuck…” He breathes it out quietly, stopping on the second landing and leaning his forehead against the wall. He stares at the tiny ridges and bumps in the paint, just for something to look at. This world wasn’t prepared to give him a break for a second, was it?

No. That would be kind. This world isn’t kind, not at all.

“Hiro?” A groggy voice catches his attention, and looking round, he sees….Aunt Cass, sitting up on the lounge. His aunt is squinting at him with one eye, rubbing the other; she must’ve fallen asleep on the couch….

“Hey, Aunt Cass.” His tone is careful; walking over, Hiro crouches down, trying for a strained smile that falls flat before it even shows on his face. “Sorry for waking you; you should go to bed.”

“No, no…” A groggy protest. “I need to talk to you; Honey said you left your phone at Fred’s and- you and Baymax must’ve walked all the way across town, huh? Not that I’m...mm, going to try putting curfews on you now, young man, but…”

“Sorry. I uh...I know what you need to talk about. Reporter was waiting outside.” Cass visibly deflates at the news, hands rubbing her face as she mumbles softly to herself, as close to a curse as she gets.

“Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry… I got the call about ten, but- with your phone, and all. I couldn’t get a hold of you.”

“Not your fault.” Hiro shifts, taking a seat beside his aunt when she sits up. There’s a long silence; both of them lost to their own, exhausted thoughts, both a little too weary to know how to react. “What date’s it on?”

“July fifteenth…”

That’s.

 

Just over a month away.

 

 

Slumping back into the cushions, Hiro stares at the television in disbelief, despite the fact that it isn’t on. Thirty-five days is nothing; already, the date feels like it’s looming over him, a blatant reminder of all the things he’d pushed himself to forget tonight. 

Friends. He doesn’t have those anymore. He doesn’t trust the legal system as far as he can throw it, either; long talks with lawyers less than impressed by his in depth probings into the way court proceedings would happen, and a lot of personal research on the side, is enough to have stripped that small hope completely away.

And then there’s aunt Cass. His only relative, awkwardly wrapping an arm about his shoulders. Always trying her best. She hugs him close to her chest, hands threading through his hair, and hushes him, even when he isn’t making a sound.

“It’s alright; we’ll talk to the lawyers  tomorrow. It’ll work out, Hiro; it’ll be fine…”

All he can think, as he awkwardly turns to hug her back, is that he’s sorry.

He’s so, so sorry for what he’s intending to do.

 

* * *

 

He’s ready when the portal opens. Or so he tells himself. After pacing in front of it for the last four hours, Hiro thinks he knows what to say now. What sort of arguments Tadashi is bound to make, how to address each and every one of them. He’s prepared, at least in that way. 

Emotionally is another question entirely.

Tadashi looks stressed, as well. Obviously the news had hit him sometime throughout the day, and Hiro holds a hand up, asking for silence. Opening his mouth...the words don’t come out right away.

“Tadashi, I--” His voice cracks. His hand goes to his hair, tugging at it in a display of anxiety, and with a quiet ‘shit’, Hiro begins to pace again. Back and forth, back and forth.

“...Hiro.” His brother is exhausted. It’s right there in his voice; all the strain and sleepless hours collecting and compounding until he’s about ready to drop. He needs to sleep. God, if only Hiro could let him sleep.

And yet he’s still here for him, one word all it takes to make Hiro slow down, to start breathing again. He stares at everything but his brother for several moments, just to collect himself. Breathe. Breathe.

“Tadashi...I want to be with you.” Hiro says slowly. Once again he has to stop his brother from speaking; because yes, they’ve already said that. Yes, he gets that it’s what Tadashi wants, too. But he doesn’t understand.

“In your world. I want to come over to your world.”

 

 

 

 

The silence that follows his words is deafening.


	8. In Which We Could Be....So Much More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He looks up at his brother, hoping that somehow, all the words and feelings and memories running through his mind come through. And maybe he’s getting somewhere with it, because his brother slowly comes to a crouch in front of him, eyes fixed on his face. Visibly pained and definitely listening, now. All Hiro needs is the right words; the exact, right thing to say, to get through to him.
> 
> “I need you, Tadashi. This isn’t enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did it I updated it's 3:30 I have to get up for work in three and a half hours ARE YOU PROUD, MOM?
> 
> This chapter is a little short; partially because I was pressed for time, partially because I felt like leaving you all on a bit of a BOOM. This is late as hell and I really enjoyed coming up with the concept of this chapter when I rearranged the plot since...Hiro decided he wanted to tell Tadashi his little world hopping scheme two chapters early.
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

**"It’s there, I know it is, because when I look at you, I can feel it. And I look at you and I'm... I'm home."**

**Dory, Finding Nemo**

 

* * *

“It would work, you know.”

 

The response he gets is not unkind, just frazzled. Tadashi holds up a hand for silence, and Hiro slouches back, wondering how much more time his brother could need. It’s been an hour; surely he knows that. There’s only so long he can yell for.

 

Hiro can count on one hand the amount of times Tadashi has really, truly blown up at him. Every single one had a running theme; the younger brother doing something that was completely at odds with the concept of self-preservation. Like the first time he’d been caught out bot fighting, or that time he hadn’t been paying attention to the road and stepped out in front of a car.

 

...Okay, so the bot fights had continued, and the car was thankfully going slow- he’d collected a few bruises when he was knocked to the ground. But the major factor was Hiro being in danger; and whenever that happened, Tadashi failed to keep his cool.

 

It’s better to let him go. Let him go and let him yell, voice echoing through the empty spaces of the warehouse as Hiro looks on quietly, until Tadashi’s yells begin to crack, until he’s so hoarse he’s forced into silence, pacing back and forth furiously as he rubs at his throat.

 

He’s scared. Hiro gets that.

 

He’s scared too.

 

But being brave doesn’t mean the absence of fear...isn’t that what they always said?

 

“It really would work, Tadashi.” Hiro repeats quietly, which is enough to have the elder rounding on him again, pointing a finger and jabbing it in the air to accentuate his fury.

 

“I’m not done. Did I say I was done?” Tadashi grimaces, clearing his throat. “ _Honestly, Hiro…_ I thought you were smarter than this.”

 

Silence reigns supreme for a moment; it’s not the first time tonight that statements been thrown at him, and like all the times before, Hiro has nothing to say to it. He doesn’t move from his place in front of the portal, seated on the concrete floor. Despite his stomach being in knots, this is…

 

This is pretty much the reaction he’d braced himself for, anyway. If it’s a game of patience, he actually wins for once, Tadashi unable to keep himself from sighing as he turns away, running a hand through his hair.

 

“What am I going to do with you..? C’mon buddy; just- _think about it._ Really think. What about your schooling, huh? Being outside, having a future? That’s not exactly something my world can offer you.”

 

“Yes it can. It can.” He repeats it firmly, well aware of the rather dubious look he’s getting. “Your world has Krei Tech.”

 

“...Krei Tech? Hiro, my work isn’t going to-”

 

“It will. _Trust me_ ; Silent Sparrow is not a hot item with the powers that be. Krei can’t afford for it to mess up again- and then there’s you. Head scientist, alone with a multi-billion dollar project. Every night. For _hours._ ”

 

Tadashi raises a brow at him; right. Breaking the rules really isn’t his thing, and Hiro hastily continues.

 

“Krei won’t have a choice. If I’m over there, he’ll have to help us. He can’t afford to have this blow up in his face.”

 

“Or he could just get rid of us both and pretend nothing ever happened.” His brother points out, forever the pessimist.

 

“Sure...but he owes us. He owes us….us.”

 

A pause. Tadashi looks taken aback, eyes drifting away from him as he considers the words Hiro’s said. To his credit, Hiro tries not to look too enthusiastic about that; calm. He’s calm. There’s a world of problems with his idea, and he knows it.

 

There’s absolutely no way that’s the last thing Tadashi’s going to throw at him.

 

“And your portal? You’re just going to abandon it there, for anyone to find?”

 

“Don’t be stupid. I’d destroy it; bring copies of Baymax’s data through with me, have him make sure there’s nothing left to find.” His lips twitch upwards, slightly. “It’d improve my emotional state.”

 

Tadashi doesn’t share the humour.

 

“We don’t know what would happen if you came over here, you know. We’d be changing things that- shouldn’t be changed, Hiro. Two versions of the same person in one world? That’s a catastrophe waiting to happen. We could tear apart- everything. The fabric of existence.” He points out. They both pretend not to hear the note of pleading in his voice; the tone that asks for Hiro to see some sense. When has anything in their lives ever made sense?

 

“I know…”  Hiro can’t exactly deny that, hesitation clear as he pauses for a moment, thinking it over. Even if this has been done before, how would they ever know? In the wrong hands, Silent Sparrow was dangerous. To their worlds, to their universes. They could destroy everything with this, unable to see it until it was all too late.  

 

Even then... it’s a wild hypothesis to be making- especially when they’ve gotten as far as they have. If the universe was going to collapse around either of their ears, it should’ve done so by now. They’re already transferring light and sound.

 

“But what else are we supposed to do?” Hiro gives him weak smile; anything to try and ease the tension in Tadashi’s shoulders. Anything for him to listen. “Just stay like this? Watch each other grow old? What happens when you have to retire...or the Silent Sparrow Project gets retired? Or canned? Are you gonna rebuild it? When? With what time? Are we supposed to hope for the best, here? I mean, I just-”

 

Hiro swallows. It’s hard to think about; just having this. Just a few hours, every night. When he knows that Tadashi isn’t really getting any sleep, when he knows that any number of things could happen at any time, something Tadashi can’t warn him about. Something that keeps him from coming, one night. And then the next.

 

What would he do if he lost Tadashi again? Hiro...doesn’t even want to think about it. He’s not his brother; he’s not that good a person. He’d probably take the whole world down with him, rather than be alone again.

 

He’s tired of walking out of here knowing that Tadashi isn’t _here._

 

“I’ve tried...I tried so hard to be everything you wanted me to be. I’m going to college, and I’m a hero. I’m helping people, and… it’s not enough. I need you.”

 

He looks up at his brother, hoping that somehow, all the words and feelings and memories running through his mind come through. And maybe he’s getting somewhere with it, because his brother slowly comes to a crouch in front of him, eyes fixed on his face. Visibly pained and definitely listening, now. All Hiro needs is the right words; the exact, right thing to say, to get through to him.

 

“I need you, Tadashi. This isn’t enough.”

 

Tadashi exhales slowly, hands curling into fists and mouth a grim line as they stare at each other; exhausted, nervous, scared.

 

All words Hiro can use to describe both of them as his brother seems to come to the understanding that yeah. Yeah, he’s set on this.Hiro being set on anything always spelled trouble.

 

It’s what got Tadashi killed in the first place.

 

They lose themselves to their own thoughts, for a while. As his brother thinks through whatever worries are on his mind, expression troubled, Hiro tries not to feel…hopeful. Hopeful or depressed. The two emotions have been at war since he’d come to his decision, really; elation at the very concept of not only seeing Tadashi whenever he wanted to, but _touching him. Being there for him._

 

There’s so much he still wants to do. There’s so much Hiro had only come to realise after it was too late, after he had no chance to really appreciate the man looking at him from the other side of the portal. He never got to be there for Tadashi; never got to look after him the way he should have. The way brothers do. The way he’d always been looked after.

 

The alternative is sitting here and watching Tadashi grow up. Watching his hair grey and his laugh lines deepen into wrinkles, watch him grow wearier and wearier as they looked but never _touched,_ witnessed but never _experienced._

_This isn’t enough._

 

He knows that. How could it ever be? But up until now, he’s told himself that at least it was _something._ Every question he couldn’t keep to himself, every fear that had tugged at his heart, in the end, it all circled down to one thing. Having _something_ was better than having _nothing._

But there’s only so many times the world could kick him down before that whispered thought in his mind became a shout. Tadashi isn’t **_here._** Could never be here; could never have even the slightest chance of a life in his world.

 

So he’d just have to go _there,_ instead.

 

“…Hiro, I can’t lose you again.” Hiro’s head snaps upwards, cut out of his thoughts abruptly at the edge to Tadashi’s words. His brother is visibly deflating before his eyes; it hurts to see him like this; hurts to see someone who no matter the circumstance always seemed to know the right angle to stay just shy of calm and collected, wry humour and exasperation his tools of the trade.

 

Hiro’s the emotional one. He’s the one who breaks down and gets angry, who cries and whines and demands things. Maybe it was just because of how they’d grown up; Tadashi had fallen into so many roles in his life, and he’d risen to the challenge of each and every one. Brother, father, best friend…

 

He’d realised, after Tadashi died, that there really…

 

There was never much time for just Tadashi.

 

“These portals…they aren’t ready for that. And even if they were, I can’t deal with watching you get hurt, buddy. Not again.”

 

“You won’t.” Hiro says firmly. His can feel his own heart squeezing tightly- and this is exactly why staying as they are isn’t good enough anymore. He can’t just reach out and ease that fear away. “We’ll check. We’ll check a million times; but we’ll make it work. Hamada brothers stick together, right?”

 

A laugh, finally. Hiro feels his own body relax, smile wide despite the fact that the heavy atmosphere seems determined to stay in the air.

 

It’s not a yes. It’s not a no, either, and for tonight, Hiro’s sure that he’s pushed enough of his luck, leaning back with a soft sigh and rubbing at closed eyes with one hand. Really, it’s been a night so far; he’s got a month to sort things out before court starts, at which point they’re both probably going to be a little too busy to be here every day. The combined stress of it all didn’t seem even remotely worth it- but he’d be there.

 

Seeing Tadashi’s death through till the very end was the only thing he really had left to do.

 

Which meant, with or without his brother’s blessing, Hiro had to start preparing to leave now. There were plenty of things he needed to do with Baymax; a rather large bank account from…Baymax’s patent that he’d never touched, and another sizeable one from his days as a bot fighter. Things to give away, friends to say goodbye to…and-

 

“What about Aunt Cass?” Tadashi asks quietly, and Hiro feels his heart constrict. Aunt Cass; the lady who brought them up despite having no reason to deal with two kids on top of a busy café. Aunt Cass, who’d made sure to tell him he was loved every single day since Tadashi died. Aunt Cass, who he was hugging just hours ago. There’s absolutely nothing else holding him here, except for-

  
“I’ll make it up to her.” His voice is raspy, hard pressed to get the words out. It’s a lie, and he knows it. How could he even begin to make up for something like this? “I’ll make sure there’s someone there for her; I’ll...I’ll explain what happened. I’ll leave Baymax with her; he’ll make sure she’s okay.”

 

“I don’t think she’ll be okay if you do this, buddy.” Hiro looks up at Tadashi, shocked. That’s not- _why would he say that..?_ But the look he gets in turn is a sad smile, his brother’s shoulders lifting into a helpless shrug. “I’m not going to blanket this one, Hiro. If you come over here…there’s things you’ll do that you can’t make up for. You’re going to hurt people; if you want me to even think about it, I need to know that you’re seriously thinking on that one.”

 

“Like that’s the problem…” The problem was never being able to stop thinking about it- maybe if Aunt Cass wasn’t here, he would’ve suggested this all back in March. Maybe if she wasn’t there, things would’ve been a lot easier to abandon completely.

 

But she is. She is there; she’s always been there.

 

And he’s leaving her. Hiro could ignore eight calls from Honey- he could even ignore fifty emails from Fred. Falling out with them was…a raw sort of blessing, painful as hell, but for the best. There’s no selfish relief like that when it comes to their aunt.

 

She’s the only parent he’s ever had.

 

“…You’re really serious about this, aren’t you?” Why Tadashi even sounds surprised, at this point, Hiro’s too tired to figure out. The past few days have been emotionally exhausting in so many ways, with only a few hours’ sleep to take the edge off. The best Hiro can do in the face of his brothers sudden sense of wonder is give him a wan smile, propping his chin into his hand as he does so.

 

 

What Tadashi makes of it, Hiro can’t say. There’s something in the way Tadashi’s looking at him; not entirely new, not entirely old. He’s seen it before whether Hiro can pinpoint it or not.

 

“Hiro…” Tadashi trails off for a moment, shaking his head. “What are we?”

 

“What?” Of all the words he was expecting out of Tadashi’s mouth, those aren’t it. Hiro blinks at him, running the sentence through his mind until he finds some level of understanding, biting his lower lip as he leans forwards.

 

This all seems a little excessive, from a third perspective. To the extent of bringing back the dead- no. No, worse than that; to the point where Hiro’s not quite sure where the extent of what Callaghan did and what they’re doing meet, and who exceeds who. Who will have caused the most damage, by the end of this? Them? Or Callaghan?

 

The frightening part is Hiro really isn’t sure anymore, even as he tries to rationalise it. Tries to explain it away.

 

“We’re- I mean, we’re brothers, Tadashi. It’s not our fault, you know? Any of this. We just want to make it right.”

 

Right? That’s what this is. Tadashi...Tadashi had died for nothing. And in Tadashi’s universe? It had been Hiro who suffered the same fate. Closure wasn’t something either of them could ask for, or forgiveness.

 

They had one shot to make things okay again. This was that shot. To be the way they should have been, instead of the way they ended up. Together. Not apart.

 

“We’re just...putting things back the way they should be. We never asked for this to-”

 

“No, buddy.” Tadashi chuckles, running a hand through his hair. “No, that’s not what I meant.”

 

“Then what..?”

 

He doesn’t answer him for a long time; to the point where Hiro begins to wonder if somehow, the image of Tadashi has frozen into the portal opening; some new, horrible glitch that’s just going to push back their progress even more. He almost panics before Tadashi shifts, exhaling heavily, running a hand over his face.

 

 

“If we ever make this thing work,” He says softly. “Sometimes I think the first thing I’d want to do is kiss you.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Oh Tadashi you so suave.

 

I mean- you can find my tumblr [here](http://lockandkeyblade.tumblr.com/), my twitter [here](https://twitter.com/358percentdone) and my ask.fm (linked to my twitter) [here](http://ask.fm/The_Birds_And_Bees)


	9. In Which Things Gain Momentum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, bitch. I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me. This. Across the Universe. Updating.
> 
> ...Er, and none of you are bitches, either. Unless you find the word bitch empowering because you know, some people do? In which case bitch on???
> 
> Memes are hard.

 

* * *

 

**“A promise made is a debt unpaid”**

**― Robert W. Service**

 

* * *

Four am finds Hiro stumbling into his bedroom, Baymax toddling in near silence behind him. His footsteps are the only sound in an otherwise dark space- until he breaks the silence with a rustling of clothes, too tired to do more than discard them all on the floor as he makes the journey towards his bed, armor clattering down almost a little too loudly.

 It’s not like Aunt Cass is a light sleeper, exactly, and it’s certainly not unlike him to be up and making noise at this hour, either. Since February (March? Or maybe it was January- it feels like the portal’s been working this way forever) he’s done nothing but sneak back into the house, nothing but open the window beside his bed and crawl through in a breathless silence, until Mochi manages to scare him into making a noise that practically paralyses him with adrenaline fueled awareness.

He’s so tired of running from everything, though. So tired of hiding. Mochi takes up most of the space on his covers, and Hiro nudges him out the way before falling face first into the pillows, arms shifting upwards to hug one close to his chest. The fat feline rumbles at him; more of a hiss than a purr, and gains a tired, unimpressed look in turn.

“You’re lucky Aunt Cass loves you, you know.” He tells him; there’d be no more rocket boots, until he was gone. And no more rocket boots after, really. A moment’s consideration, and Hiro squirms under the covers, holding up the edge of them in offering- one that Mochi considers with great suspicion.

A few seconds later there’s an overly fat cat curled up against his side. As his grumbling slowly shifts into a purr, Hiro closes his eyes against—something.

He doesn’t even know if the other Cass has a cat.

She has Tadashi, though.

_If we ever make this thing work, sometimes I think the first thing I’d want to do is kiss you._

He hadn’t responded. Tadashi hadn’t given him the chance to; after a few moments of stunned silence, Tadashi had gently moved the conversation along, tone quiet as he made suggestions on what tests should be conducted, what methods they could use to strengthen the connection between the portals.

All Hiro had managed was a few nods. A few one word responses that somehow managed to get past the lump in his throat. _Yeah...okay…. ‘Spose…_

But he hadn’t _responded._

Groaning, Hiro throws his arm over his eyes, before dropping it down and staring at the ceiling wearily. He’s so tired, but the image is burned into his mind. That look-

_If we ever make this thing work, sometimes I think the first thing I’d want to do is kiss you._

 

_If we ever make this thing work, sometimes I think the first thing I’d want to do is kiss you._

 

The way Tadashi had been looking at him was so familiar; something he’d seen before, in those rare, quiet moments. When it was just them, when the electronics were off and they’d simply sprawled out over his bed, Hiro’s head on Tadashi’s stomach, fingers gently brushing his hair out of his face as he waved his arms in the air to accentuate whatever he’d decided to talk about at the time. Inventions. The lab he wanted them to have. Recurring customers to the cafe, like Mrs Matsuda and whatever new style she decided to wear that was _maybe a little inappropriate for an eighty year old._

...How he felt about life. How he felt about people. About his future. About his fears.

Sometimes he’d be talking for so long the fingers running through his hair would go still, and Hiro would be certain that Tadashi had fallen asleep. Or for...whatever reason, he’d voice something without thinking. That at least he always have his brother. That he was glad he had him.

And then he’d look up, and there it was. That look.

Even if the words tonight were foreign, that look...definitely wasn’t.

It wasn’t brotherly, either.

“...Ow.” Sitting up, Hiro looks over into the corner as a green light flickers on Baymax’s station, the robot inflating quickly at his apparent sound of distress. His head turns towards him; scanning before he even steps out of the case.

Each step forwards is accompanied by the metallic whir of his actuators until the healthcare companion is inches from the bed, leaning over with his head slightly tilted in a manner Hiro’s long since likened to curiosity, or concern.

“You are, distressed.” Concern, then.

“It’s been a rough week, buddy; I’m working on it.” Hiro grins, glancing down as Mochi wriggles around under the blanket, taking refuge in Hiro’s lap with a loud grumble. “I want to check something- locate all footage where Tadashi mentions me. By name.”

The request isn’t beyond Baymax’s capabilities, and yet Hiro still finds himself biting his lip as the robot straightens, staying stock still as the command processes. There’s thousands of hours of footage on there of his brother; he still hasn’t watched it all. Maybe something in there has the answer he’s looking for.

“There are ninety-seven instances of Tadashi using the term, ‘Hiro’.” Baymax informs him, and Hiro lets out a breath he doesn’t recall holding in. “In thirty-nine videos.”

“Remove any footage containing Professor Callaghan.”

“Eighty-four references from thirty-three videos.”

“..Play the most recent.”

The projector lights up Baymax’s stomach near instantly, a white glow all there is to see for a moment-

“Ow!” No one else would ever sing that sound out like his brother did, and Hiro finds himself leaning in as the image comes to life- there he is, dropping some books on the desk in his lab as he shuffles about in the midst of a dorky little dance- seemingly to music only Tadashi can hear.

Hiro feels himself smile, expression only growing brighter as Baymax’s cameras follow his brother about the room. Tadashi is the most graceless dancer on the planet, but there’s some direction midst the chaos, allowing the man on the screen to file a few papers, pull some books from his shelf.

He looks...younger. Happy. There’s no bags under his eyes or rough stubble on his chin- it strikes Hiro in that moment that the Tadashi he’s watching; his brother, was only a year older than he is now.

The lump returns to his throat as his smile fades. Just-- one year. That’s all.

“Your neurotransmitter levels are, elevated.” Baymax’s voice informs. He sounds different too; obviously, this is from well before the robot had started to develop a personality, his AI extremely sensitive to his patients. Baymax had grown with Hiro, because that’s what he was built to do. There was no such thing as duplicating him now; he’d become what he was on his own. “Are you happy, Tadashi?”

“Sure am.” Tadashi responds, voice as cheerful as his demeanour. He’s grinning from ear to ear, finally coming to a halt in front of the robot and smiling up at his invention- right into the cameras.

It’s so easy to forget that those smiles aren’t actually meant for him.

“I’m not staying long today, buddy. Gotta get back to Hiro; he’s almost done, you know? Hasn’t really slept in the last few days, but—I have to pick my battles.”

“You are fighting?”

“No, no; it’s just an expression.” Tadashi’s shoulders shake with silent laughter, a hand going to his hip as he tilts his head- admiring Baymax, possibly. Or perhaps not even that; there’s something almost far off in the way Tadashi’s eyes move, looking past the healthcare companion, rather than directly at him. “It means that sometimes, you have to work on one thing before you can work on another.”

“The prioritization of one task over another.”

“Something like that. In any case; I wanted you to know that you’ll probably be offline for a few days; the expo is in two days, and Hiro needs a hand now that he’s got all the fine tuning down. After that, it’ll be back to work.”

“Understood. I am glad to see you happy, Tadashi.” His brother actually looks surprised by that, expression quickly shifting to one of pride, and Hiro knows...it’s probably one of the first points of growth Baymax had come to since being fully operational. One of the only ones his brother had seen...the very last one.

“Thank you, Baymax.”

And there it is again. That look. Tadashi’s looking right into the camera, and that look- Hiro still doesn’t know how to describe it. Soft doesn’t suit even though it’s the closest term he can think of; affectionate just doesn’t cover it. Loving, at least in the sense that Hiro expected Tadashi to love him...it just doesn’t fit.

It’s right there and Hiro can’t begin to put words to what it is or what it does to him, hasting swiping at his wet cheeks with clumsy hands just to make sure he sees it as clearly as possible.

“I haven’t seen him this happy in a really long time.” Tadashi says, and that’s enough.

“Pause.”

The screen freezes on Tadashi’s face; that look frozen on his features, just two days before he died.

He’d never been brave enough to play the last video before. And if he’d known- if Hiro had known that this was it, maybe he wouldn’t have let it play at all.

 

_If we ever make this thing work, sometimes I think the first thing I’d want to do is kiss you._

 

His heart aches. Whenever he’d been able to bring himself to read things about loss and grief out of the piles upon piles of books Aunt Cass had conveniently misplaced in his room, it always spoke about loss as a hole. A deep recess within the heart or soul or being that would never really be filled, but there was more to it than that.

Losing Tadashi was a black stain. One that clogged his lungs and made it impossible to tell if he was really breathing or not. Made all the worse by the fact that there was no reason he shouldn’t still be here, none at all. No reason they weren’t working in their lab together already, no reason why Tadashi never got to work on Baymax again, never got to go home and enjoy the celebratory dinner Aunt Cass was making for them and their friends.

There was no reason at all for that black stain, aching around the edges of a hole that couldn’t be filled, and the only real answer Hiro had found was that regardless of any consequences, he’d do anything to see that look on his brother’s face again as they sprawled out on the bed, Hiro’s head on Tadashi’s stomach as he talked about whatever came to mind, whilst gentle fingers brushed his hair out of his face.

Whatever it was that they had, whatever they were to each other, Hiro wanted that more than his entire world.

 

* * *

 

“Hiro? Sweetie, are you up?”

He didn’t close his blinds properly last night. Something he regrets when he opens his eyes to blinding sun, and as he lets out a groan, Hiro contemplates simply rolling right over and going back to sleep. It’s too early- or lunch time, according to his clock.

“Hiro?”

“I’m up, Aunt Cass…” Rubbing his face, Hiro pushes himself up, looking blearily about the room. Baymax is back in his station; he doesn’t remember telling him to go there, which probably means he fell asleep to old videos, again.

At least Baymax had become adaptive enough to recognize that Hiro couldn’t exactly give directions when sleeping…

“Hey, sleepyhead.” Cass peers over the threshold of the stairwell, smiling widely. A little wider than natural, and Hiro watches suspiciously as she bustles into the room, opening the blinds over the windows as she goes. Something’s up. “You have a visitor.”

A visi-

“I don’t want to see her.” Hiro blurts out, immediately rushing to shove some pants on. Honey _would_ be the one to come and attempt to make amends; she also wasn’t one for privacy or _waiting,_ meaning she could just dash up the stairs at any given moment-

“Not quite, mister Hamada.”

Not even close. Pants hiked halfway up his thighs, Hiro stares dumbly as Alistair Krei steps into his room, fingers smoothing down the lapel of his jacket, as if it isn’t already absolutely crisp in its perfection.

Alistair Krei is in his room.

He has no idea who looks more awkward about that; him, or his aunt.

“Alistair Krei, uh-” Pants. Hiro jumps to his feet, hiking the fabric over his hips and clumsily zipping himself up as the man wanders through his room, looking it over with clear interest. The awkward atmosphere simply seems to grow as the man gets nearer; his hand comes out in a friendly gesture, but his eyes seem to constantly stray over to the partition beside Hiro’s bed; folded back now and the space within it cleared and tidied to offer a guest bed that they’d never needed and shelves Hiro had never brought himself to fill. “What are you doing here?”

“Always quick to the chase, mister Hamada.” Krei offers him a smile, one that causes the edges of his eyes to crinkle with deep crow's feet- laugh lines, not that Hiro would ever say the man had a sense of humor. Hiro shakes his hand as the man directs his attention to his aunt, all calm mannerisms and polite tone. “Thank you, Cassandra. Would you mind if I spoke to Hiro alone for a moment? I won’t take up either of your time for long.”

“Of course! I might just- make some tea. Take your time, honestly. You’re not intruding at all.” His aunt blusters her way back to the stairs, and Hiro shoots her a betrayed glare over Krei’s shoulder; _she’s seriously going to leave him with this?_

_You’re on your own kiddo_ , Aunt Cass shrugs back, and then she’s gone.

So she’s seriously going to leave him with this.

 

“Burning the midnight oil last night, mister Hamada?” The question is an unpleasant wrench back to reality, and Hiro drops Krei’s hand like a hot coal, rubbing the back of his neck as he stares down at the floor.

“Something like that, mister- K- do you want to sit down?” Hiro steps back, offering his desk chair as Krei raises a brow at him, taking his offer with grace that Hiro can’t replicate.

“For the time being, why don’t you call me Al?”

“...Al.” His tone is utterly dubious, and Krei coughs into his fist.

“Or don’t. Krei, perhaps?”

“That works.” Hiro can’t help the curve of his lips, shoulders relaxing somewhat. _The_ Alistair Krei might be in his room, but scientist cum businessman wasn’t exactly used to talking to people younger than him, obviously. “If this is about my microbots, mister Krei, they’re still not for sale. I’m not working on them anymore-”

“No, no,” Krei waves a hand dismissively, though his brow furrows. “As disappointing as that is to hear, this isn’t a business venture. More of a...personal, one. I’ve spoken to your aunt, but I felt...it was important to discuss this with you, as well.”

Krei clears his throat, linking his fingers together as he settles them into his lap, and Hiro grips the edges of his bed awkwardly. Krei wasn’t a bad man; just one who’d made mistakes, mistakes that had cost a lot of money. Cost people’s lives. Over the past few years, they’d had some interaction in public, and his funding of the Tadashi Hamada exhibition hall on campus had been appreciated, really.

Having him sitting here was something else entirely.

“I was advised this morning of the date of Callaghan’s trial.” Immediately, the tension in Hiro’s shoulders returns with a vengeance. Hiro straightens slowly as Krei continues; seemingly attempting to be gentle with his wording. “I’ve been keeping tabs on the case, though I imagine not as closely as you and your aunt. My legal team has also been offering some assistance on the matter...this may be the last thing you want to talk about, but bear with me, Hiro; what are you expecting the outcome to be?”

“...I-- I guess I haven’t really considered it.” Hiro answers slowly. He’s not awake enough for this discussion; too much going on in his life already without someone confronting him over this. “I mean- we’ve been getting different advice from everyone, it makes it pretty hard to really know what to expect.”

“Understandable. The legal system is difficult at the best of times…” The man sighs, studying him intently. “You’re a very intelligent young man, Hiro. But I want to make sure you’re aware of what to expect, from here. Robert is pleading not guilty to the charges against him; once the trial commences, it may feel that perhaps, your brother is the one under trial, rather than the man that killed him. Slinging mud at your brother’s name is going to be the defenses' main objective. It’s going to be difficult to witness, never mind take part in.”

There’s silence, for a moment. Hiro doesn’t know if the man expects an answer him, but there’s nothing forthcoming. He hadn’t really taken the time to consider what might happen, and he’s received advice from the family solicitor about what questions he may have to answer, but Krei’s outtake on the situation makes it seem a lot more real. Personal.

He isn’t discussing the legalities. He’s telling him what he probably needs to hear, instead.

“It took some convincing, but your aunt has agreed to allow me to schedule some security for your home until the media on this dies down. You both deserve the privacy. I’d also like to offer you access to Krei Tech’s employee assistance program; private counseling at no charge, should you need it.”

Pulling a card out of his pocket, Krei offers it to him, and Hiro takes it without looking at the information printed on the cardboard. Swallowing roughly, he lets out a rough ‘thank you’, though he doesn’t particularly feel thankful at all. 

“Mister- Krei, you really don’t have to do this.”

“I’m well aware, however, you not only saved my life, but the life of a fantastic woman who deserved much better than my carelessness in regards to her safety.” Krei smiles thinly, nodding his head at the card held loosely between Hiro’s fingers. “There’s very little I can do without being accused of tampering, but if there is anything else you need...please, just ask. You’ve more than earned it.”

He shouldn’t ask for anything. The card in his hands is never going to be looked at, and the security added to the household was a huge inconvenience, not a gift, but the moment Krei offers his last words Hiro hears the light bulb clicking in his mind, and the words tumble out almost haphazardly.

“Actually, there is something.”

Krei has the grace to compose himself after a few moments, at least, surprise shifting into attentiveness as he leans forwards. “As I said, simply ask.”

“My aunt... uh,”

Is he really going to do this? Krei...and his aunt. Hiro’s no matchmaker, but he is on a deadline. And Krei owes him a favor.

Something is better than nothing.

“Things are-h-have, been dangerous for a while. So; my aunt. If anything happens to me, could you keep an eye on her? Personally.”

“I see.” Hiro shifts awkwardly as Krei purses his lips, staring down at him thoughtfully. “Under such circumstances, I could certainly do my best to support Cassandra. You continue to amaze me with your selflessness, mister Hamada.”

It’s not selfless in the slightest, and Hiro coughs awkwardly as he looks off to the side; a terrible liar, especially when he hasn’t really had the time to compose himself.

“I should leave you to the rest of your day; one more suggestion, if I may?” Krei’s eyes crinkle again, dry humor shining through as he stands, Hiro hastily getting to his own feet as well. “You may want to store your armor somewhere other than the floor of your bedroom; if Cassandra had been paying more attention, I think she may have had a heart attack.”

Okay, so maybe Krei did have a sense of humor.

Just a dry one. Dry- and kind of morbid.

 

* * *

 

Hey I have a [tumblr](http://lockandkeyblade.tumblr.com/). Oh cool I have a [twitter](https://twitter.com/358percentdone), too.

 

**It’s been a while since I’ve updated, so a few important notes, here.**

Firstly, always and forever I am so sorry for the lack of updates. Those of you who follow my tumblr and twitter know that my life has been a series of some serious downs lately, including the finalization of the charges on the man who caused my own family member to die, so it’s been a bit difficult to get any sort of writing motivation.

Back when I started this story, though, I had the intentions of making sure it was finished by mid-June. It’s a little after mid-June now, and even though there’s only three chapters to go now...I do want to conclude this story as soon as I can. It’s been so cathartic to me, but now that the chapter of my life involving court cases and murder is over, I think that this story is more than ready for its final close. And its sequel, which won’t dwell so much on horrid court cases and ridiculous legalities. So my hope is to have my focus only on this and Defensive Driver for the next month, and to have Across the Universe complete by the end of August.

It does mean putting my other works on hold, but hey. You guys have been so patient with me, and this story is my baby. But it’s a baby that sorely needs to be put to rest, so I’d like your patience for just a little longer until we’ve reached the final chapter in Hiro’s world.

Expect the next chapter very soon.

 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Not the First Or Last](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4601520) by [sekritsauce](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sekritsauce/pseuds/sekritsauce)




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